I hate paperwork. Right now, at work, after training a group of "good kids" to give tours to new students and then deescalating an angry little boy who is basically homeless and wearing pants he thinks are embarrasing and wanting to punch everyone and everything that crosses his path, I have finally had a chance to breathe. I'm sitting at my desk staring at a mountain of paperwork. My weeks have become so busy I don't have time to even make a dent in the pile of paperwork that only counselors and maybe those in government jobs could possibly understand.
Anyway, paperwork is my nemesis. I've always had a problem with it. When I counsel a kid, which I do for a living for those of you that don't know, I have to fill out anywhere from 3 to 6 pieces of paper on that mtg alone. Multiply this times several mtg's with kids per day and well you can see how it begins to stack up. Then throw in all the other beaurocratic b.s. paperwork and, you get the picture. Mountainous.
Imagine a world with NO paperwork. A world with crystal clear streams of spring water, birds chirping from the tree tops, and fresh, homemade blueberry muffins, still warm from the oven with real butter...imagine it and then come back to reality. Time to do paperwork! Of course, some kid will fly through my office door at any minute, screaming that so and so wrote that his mother is fat on the bathroom wall above the urinal. I'll tell him to write, "that's not true", next to it. 6 more pieces of paper. Maybe I'll just let it continue to pile up and quit when someone asks me to do it? Who invented paper anyway...hmmmm, papyrus, Egyptians I think...I hate Egyptians!!!
Friday, September 29, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
It's All Relative
This weekend, Susie and I did the usual. Doctor's appointment on Saturday with shots. Jack barfed on Susie at bedtime. We cleaned up barf and ate dinner...one after the other.
Next day, I woke up at 5:30 and laid in bed, sleep deprived, waiting for the one year old to awaken with his bruised legs and fever. He awoke at 6:45 as expected. We walked to Wal-Mart for entertainment only to head back to our cave due to extreme heat despite officially beginning fall. Jack had two 30 minute naps all day getting crankier as the day progressed. I dragged around all day feeling ridiculously tired and didn't hardly mutter a word. Susie cleaned and attempted to entertain Jack while I felt sorry for myself, as another grueling work week readied to begin again. Jack went to bed only to awaken a half an hour later right as we sat down to eat Sunday night dinner at around 8:00pm. Screaming hysterically and very high pitched apparently due to his aquarium-crib-attachment-thing falling to the floor, he decided not to go back to sleep.
Two hours later, Jack was sleeping and Susie and I scarfed down dinner and went to bed. Official weekend status report...sucky!
On the other hand, at work today, within two hours of getting here, I met with one kid who had been choked by his father, discussed with another kid about how he and his family are in need of housing assistance due to being evicted as his father is addicted to drugs and does not have a job and his mother abandoned them in the middle of the night two years ago with no warning or goodbye, and another kid who's father went to prison for domestic violence. It could be worse, much, much worse.
I'm lucky, even when my weekend is, "sucky".
Next day, I woke up at 5:30 and laid in bed, sleep deprived, waiting for the one year old to awaken with his bruised legs and fever. He awoke at 6:45 as expected. We walked to Wal-Mart for entertainment only to head back to our cave due to extreme heat despite officially beginning fall. Jack had two 30 minute naps all day getting crankier as the day progressed. I dragged around all day feeling ridiculously tired and didn't hardly mutter a word. Susie cleaned and attempted to entertain Jack while I felt sorry for myself, as another grueling work week readied to begin again. Jack went to bed only to awaken a half an hour later right as we sat down to eat Sunday night dinner at around 8:00pm. Screaming hysterically and very high pitched apparently due to his aquarium-crib-attachment-thing falling to the floor, he decided not to go back to sleep.
Two hours later, Jack was sleeping and Susie and I scarfed down dinner and went to bed. Official weekend status report...sucky!
On the other hand, at work today, within two hours of getting here, I met with one kid who had been choked by his father, discussed with another kid about how he and his family are in need of housing assistance due to being evicted as his father is addicted to drugs and does not have a job and his mother abandoned them in the middle of the night two years ago with no warning or goodbye, and another kid who's father went to prison for domestic violence. It could be worse, much, much worse.
I'm lucky, even when my weekend is, "sucky".
Monday, September 18, 2006
Jack got some toys and I got a lesson in life
I realize that all the values I ever had and Susie ever had or wanted that we now have control over have become the way Susie and I want our family to be. Like most families, we want Jack to be raised with these values too.
Change happens when you have a baby...it's inevitable. One way I've changed is that all the values I ever had that I teetered back and forth with have suddenly become solid. For example, on a more salient level, violence on t.v. is suddenly much worse and it is apparent that this is not okay to have on around Jack. Yes, that means we turn the chanel if Jack is in the room and Kill Bill is on.
On a less obvious level, suddenly there will not be a football game on my television during my son's birthday party. I know to some this is a shock but it comes from wanting to teach my son about priorities and the importance of being present with those you truly care about. When Jack's older and decides, "for my birthday I want to have a party with the football game on", then that is fine. However, I don't want him to be sitting with his girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever kind of friend, someday and turning a football game on in the middle of the person's party he is simultaneously saying he cares about. I want him to want to be in the moment with whomever he allegedly cares about.
For those of you who weren't at the birthday party this weekend, you probably are wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Basically, I'm explaining why I didn't want the Miami Hurricane football game on in the background of my son's birthday.
Short answer: I wanted the day to be about Jack.
Long answer: see above and...Jack will be raised to SHOW that he cares about those he supposedly cares about. For years I had trouble being intimate with others...saying I cared and much less showing I cared. This caused me tremendous pain in relationships and caused me to miss out on experiences being more fulfilling than they were. I don't want that for Jack. I want Jack to know how to say I Love You by looking someone in the eyes, by being in the moment with them, and by doing it over and over again without discomfort. Further, I don't want him to be confused like I was. I know this sounds ridiculously mushy and not very "manly". Who the hell cares! Life is better when you can truly BE with those you love...whether it be family, friends, or complete strangers.
As a man, my experiences lead me to believe that I am not the only man that has struggled with being intimate with others. I don't mean the bedroom kind of intimacy where most of us try to overcompensate expressing how much we care in the wrong setting by "making love to you baby". Most of my male friends gowing up and now don't say much about what they like about each other. They probably do this with the women they love but they typically, in my experience, don't even do this with each other about the women they love. In fact, often it's the opposite. They pretend to not care as much, "old ball and chain", or "whatever she says I just do it", "she's the boss". Unfortunately, many of them have crappy relationships with their significant others with no real intimacy either. While this is certainly not a blanket theory as not all men are this way, I do feel that our society in general rewards men for being less intimate at least with superficial rewards like power over and with other men and "bagging chicks"...visit any college campus any day of the week if you don't agree with me. Or, allow me to tape a conversation behind closed doors between any group of men. Trust me, the conversation will 90% of the time indicate less than stellar results on the intimacy scale.
This is precisely why I want to try and raise Jack this way. I know the football game seems trivial but to me it's not. It's a subtle lesson in priorities and what truly matters.
I think that we get very few opportunities to make meaning in our lives. One way we do this is by having truly intimate relationships with others. In the end, this is one of just a few ways by which we measure happiness. Hopefully, Jack will be very happy someday and if I can help facilitate that by not playing a football game at his b-day party than, yipppee!!!
If not, oh well. At least I tried. In the end, it's only important that Jack knows that his mother and I feel this way. He will decide to accept or reject this value. He will also need to cope with all of those, the majority of people in my experience, that don't hold this value or at the very least don't uphold it.
Jack will never be confused about who or what comes first when it comes to his dad...you do buddy!
Change happens when you have a baby...it's inevitable. One way I've changed is that all the values I ever had that I teetered back and forth with have suddenly become solid. For example, on a more salient level, violence on t.v. is suddenly much worse and it is apparent that this is not okay to have on around Jack. Yes, that means we turn the chanel if Jack is in the room and Kill Bill is on.
On a less obvious level, suddenly there will not be a football game on my television during my son's birthday party. I know to some this is a shock but it comes from wanting to teach my son about priorities and the importance of being present with those you truly care about. When Jack's older and decides, "for my birthday I want to have a party with the football game on", then that is fine. However, I don't want him to be sitting with his girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever kind of friend, someday and turning a football game on in the middle of the person's party he is simultaneously saying he cares about. I want him to want to be in the moment with whomever he allegedly cares about.
For those of you who weren't at the birthday party this weekend, you probably are wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Basically, I'm explaining why I didn't want the Miami Hurricane football game on in the background of my son's birthday.
Short answer: I wanted the day to be about Jack.
Long answer: see above and...Jack will be raised to SHOW that he cares about those he supposedly cares about. For years I had trouble being intimate with others...saying I cared and much less showing I cared. This caused me tremendous pain in relationships and caused me to miss out on experiences being more fulfilling than they were. I don't want that for Jack. I want Jack to know how to say I Love You by looking someone in the eyes, by being in the moment with them, and by doing it over and over again without discomfort. Further, I don't want him to be confused like I was. I know this sounds ridiculously mushy and not very "manly". Who the hell cares! Life is better when you can truly BE with those you love...whether it be family, friends, or complete strangers.
As a man, my experiences lead me to believe that I am not the only man that has struggled with being intimate with others. I don't mean the bedroom kind of intimacy where most of us try to overcompensate expressing how much we care in the wrong setting by "making love to you baby". Most of my male friends gowing up and now don't say much about what they like about each other. They probably do this with the women they love but they typically, in my experience, don't even do this with each other about the women they love. In fact, often it's the opposite. They pretend to not care as much, "old ball and chain", or "whatever she says I just do it", "she's the boss". Unfortunately, many of them have crappy relationships with their significant others with no real intimacy either. While this is certainly not a blanket theory as not all men are this way, I do feel that our society in general rewards men for being less intimate at least with superficial rewards like power over and with other men and "bagging chicks"...visit any college campus any day of the week if you don't agree with me. Or, allow me to tape a conversation behind closed doors between any group of men. Trust me, the conversation will 90% of the time indicate less than stellar results on the intimacy scale.
This is precisely why I want to try and raise Jack this way. I know the football game seems trivial but to me it's not. It's a subtle lesson in priorities and what truly matters.
I think that we get very few opportunities to make meaning in our lives. One way we do this is by having truly intimate relationships with others. In the end, this is one of just a few ways by which we measure happiness. Hopefully, Jack will be very happy someday and if I can help facilitate that by not playing a football game at his b-day party than, yipppee!!!
If not, oh well. At least I tried. In the end, it's only important that Jack knows that his mother and I feel this way. He will decide to accept or reject this value. He will also need to cope with all of those, the majority of people in my experience, that don't hold this value or at the very least don't uphold it.
Jack will never be confused about who or what comes first when it comes to his dad...you do buddy!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Happy Birthday Jacky
The boy is ONE! Well not until 10:01am officially.
This morning Susie and I woke up and went into Jack's room, armed with rolling video camera, and sang a tired version of Happy Birthday to the birthday boy. Then I was forced to rush out the door to work while listening to Jack's big boy laugh whilst his mother sang, "It's your birfday".
Now at work and writing this blog, I can't help but get a bit choked up thinking about the year we've had with our little boy. I remember the post-birth room, changing Jack's first diaper in the dark, freezing in the hospital with no way to turn the air conditioner up, lanugo, formula chaos, the first time Jack ate solids, the first time he ate spaghetti, laughing hysterically while he belly laughed about his walker, laying on the floor with Jack when only a couple weeks old and listening to the Beatles, wrapping Jack nearly every night for like 4 months so he would sleep a bit better, an incredible amount of screaming, dock walks, doctor appointments and tests, the 1st Holidays, troubleshooting with Jack's mother when confused 99% of the time, crying and laughing with Jack's mother when confused 99% of the time, the first tooth and the 7 that followed, bathtime with the Frogpond Wizard, playing monster in the afternoons, more screaming, the first smiles and laughs, the first talking sounds, first words mama, dada, and cat, long walks at 5am, Jack's first concert...The Knack, swimming in the Lake Crest pool, quietly watching him sleep, getting him out of the crib in the mornings while he laughed in excitement, but, most of all, I remember the overwhelming feeling of knowing that my son was going to be okay.
Jack, you make every day meaningful for me. You are an inspiration to me, a great memory and dream at the same time, and you fill me with hope about every part of my life and the world.
At this moment, you are probably at home getting ready to eat your breakfast with your mom and I am here thinking of you counting the minutes to come home with you and begin your birthday weekend. Happy Birthday baby boy...I hope you have a lifetime of feeling the way your mother and I feel when with you.
Love, Dad
Now I must hide in my office and cry all day until I get to go home.
This morning Susie and I woke up and went into Jack's room, armed with rolling video camera, and sang a tired version of Happy Birthday to the birthday boy. Then I was forced to rush out the door to work while listening to Jack's big boy laugh whilst his mother sang, "It's your birfday".
Now at work and writing this blog, I can't help but get a bit choked up thinking about the year we've had with our little boy. I remember the post-birth room, changing Jack's first diaper in the dark, freezing in the hospital with no way to turn the air conditioner up, lanugo, formula chaos, the first time Jack ate solids, the first time he ate spaghetti, laughing hysterically while he belly laughed about his walker, laying on the floor with Jack when only a couple weeks old and listening to the Beatles, wrapping Jack nearly every night for like 4 months so he would sleep a bit better, an incredible amount of screaming, dock walks, doctor appointments and tests, the 1st Holidays, troubleshooting with Jack's mother when confused 99% of the time, crying and laughing with Jack's mother when confused 99% of the time, the first tooth and the 7 that followed, bathtime with the Frogpond Wizard, playing monster in the afternoons, more screaming, the first smiles and laughs, the first talking sounds, first words mama, dada, and cat, long walks at 5am, Jack's first concert...The Knack, swimming in the Lake Crest pool, quietly watching him sleep, getting him out of the crib in the mornings while he laughed in excitement, but, most of all, I remember the overwhelming feeling of knowing that my son was going to be okay.
Jack, you make every day meaningful for me. You are an inspiration to me, a great memory and dream at the same time, and you fill me with hope about every part of my life and the world.
At this moment, you are probably at home getting ready to eat your breakfast with your mom and I am here thinking of you counting the minutes to come home with you and begin your birthday weekend. Happy Birthday baby boy...I hope you have a lifetime of feeling the way your mother and I feel when with you.
Love, Dad
Now I must hide in my office and cry all day until I get to go home.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Another JOB
Not Job, as in the Bible, although sometimes I feel like that. I mean, I have another job now. For some reason it did not really hit home that I would be working two jobs until today. Until now, The Homework Club has simply been a plan or idea. Yeah, it's been a lot of work already but it hasn't been a job per se. Today is the actual grand opening with REAL paying customers. Now it's a job. It's very important to me that the kids have fun there but even more important that they achieve what there parents are paying for them to achieve, so I feel a tremendous sense of responsibility. We'll see how it goes today. Cross your fingers for me or whatever superstition tends to work for you.
As far as Jack goes...I nearly cried the other day when I came to the REALIZATION that he is almost one. I didn't even see it coming. I mean suddenly when talking to my mother about him crawling in cake on the big day, I realized it is going to be quite emotional. Also, I know that if I cry, Susie will be filling buckets.
As far as Jack goes...I nearly cried the other day when I came to the REALIZATION that he is almost one. I didn't even see it coming. I mean suddenly when talking to my mother about him crawling in cake on the big day, I realized it is going to be quite emotional. Also, I know that if I cry, Susie will be filling buckets.
Thursday, September 7, 2006
The Homework Club
So far so good. We have 3 people who have signed their kids up for the entire month! We have not advertised other than a few flyer's and signs in the adjacent dance studio so we are pleased thus far. Saturday I plan to put on my used car salesman suit and start aggressively pulling people in if possible. Eventually we will hit the neighborhoods with flyers and advertise in the local papers but the idea is to start small so we can work the bugs out.
I have to admit, because of my sharp aversion to failure, this has been very difficult from an ego standpoint. If things fall apart I will be very disappointed but will get over it. On the other hand, I'm not going to let it fail. I will literally go door to door until I find some kids who need help.
This is the first time I've ever made money on something I (and Susie) created. It's very rewarding to get acknowledgement that other's are interested in your ideas no matter how simple they are. Further, it's empowering to make money out of nothing...I'm used to making money for others and getting paid a little out of the whole lot. I loathe working FOR others and love the prospect of working for myself and especially in a partnership with my favorite person (Suebaby)
With regard to Jack, it's hard to leave in the morning at 7am and get home at almost 9pm. I won't see him at all 2 full days and nights per week. It does, however, make the time I do get with him on the days Susie works late that much better. Susie and I will also miss each other at least 4 nights a week which is also difficult.
However, when we are working for ourselves and taking yearly trips to Europe, I think it will all seem quite worth it.
I have to admit, because of my sharp aversion to failure, this has been very difficult from an ego standpoint. If things fall apart I will be very disappointed but will get over it. On the other hand, I'm not going to let it fail. I will literally go door to door until I find some kids who need help.
This is the first time I've ever made money on something I (and Susie) created. It's very rewarding to get acknowledgement that other's are interested in your ideas no matter how simple they are. Further, it's empowering to make money out of nothing...I'm used to making money for others and getting paid a little out of the whole lot. I loathe working FOR others and love the prospect of working for myself and especially in a partnership with my favorite person (Suebaby)
With regard to Jack, it's hard to leave in the morning at 7am and get home at almost 9pm. I won't see him at all 2 full days and nights per week. It does, however, make the time I do get with him on the days Susie works late that much better. Susie and I will also miss each other at least 4 nights a week which is also difficult.
However, when we are working for ourselves and taking yearly trips to Europe, I think it will all seem quite worth it.
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