Mother's Day 2006

Well Mother's Day came and went yesterday. Here's how we celebrated...Jack and I woke up early letting mom sleep in (Jack's idea). We got all of her little presents together and finished writing her cards (Jack drew a picture of his mother giving birth--abstract). Mom woke up to breakfast...homemade waffles and turkey bacon with flowers picked from the garden (all Jack's idea). Mom woke up and ate food, opened gifts and read her cards. Then we packed the car, headed for Kissimmee, and met up with my mother and father for a walk in the park. Then, we met up with other extended family where we abandoned Jack in Raskin Chaos (the only way to describe what happens when more than 3 Raskins enter the same dwelling). Susie and went to eat and looked for houses in St.Cloud. Then we picked up the boy, drove home, went swimming in the pool, and alas, put the baby to bed. Susie had a foot massage with foot lotion picked out by Jack. Happy Mother's Day Sue!

Mother's Day has become a sort of Thanksgiving for me it seems. I found myself feeling thankful for all the mothers in my life and the mother figures.

Susie.

Jack is incredibly lucky to have this woman as his mother. She provides such a wonderfully kind spirit evident in the way she talks to him, holds him, and looks at him (even when he's screaming). This is part of the foundation that so many boys grow up without, that is, the ability to be consistent. She does a much better job of this than I do and Jack is all the better for it. Every morning, Susie sings Jack a song, "Good morning Jack, good morning Jack, good morning Jack, gooooood morning" and he smiles all the way through. Oh, and then there is the fact that she gave birth to our beautiful boy which alone is worth celebrating...in fact all women who have gone through this deserve to be worshipped on some very high level. Some day I hope to create a Taj Mahal in her honor but until then I simply will do a bunch of small things that tell her I love her.

My mother, aka Grammy Valium.

My mother is THE kindest person on the planet. She would never in her life knowingly hurt a soul. In fact, she constantly goes out of her way to help everyone she comes into contact with that needs help. This is a whole lot of people considering she owns a dance studio and has over 300 students. There is always someone living in her house, doing odd jobs for free classes, or simply reaping the benefits of such a wonderfully kind person. Often, I would say always, these people take more than is being offered but she keeps on giving and helping. This is likely why I am a counselor but more importantly it has a great deal to do with why I too care to help try and make the world a better place. My mother also has been invaluable during the past few months as Jack came out of "the period that we do not speak of". She has babysat countless times. She can't stand it when Jack cries and is excited every time she sees him and I know she was the same way with me as a baby. I have always felt loved by my mother as a result and this is invaluable to me and, of course, Jack.

Aunt Jane.

She has been more of a teacher than a mother by providing experiences to me and has done so with a great deal of laughter making me want to see everything she has put before me. She has made me feel invincible at times. She is responsible for my very large hubris/ego. Aunt Jane always told me that "your the best" or "your my favorite nephew". While I knew she told this to many, somehow, I still think that it's true. She is responsible for driving me from Orlando to Los Angeles and back in a motor home showing me that there is a great deal more to life than what exists in your backyard. Then she flew me to Italy showing me there not only is more that exists but that it is to be explore and celebrated. She has taught me the art of laughter and the importance of raising a family that laughs and travels together. I honestly can't say in words how indebted I am to her. She is one of my heroes on a very short list. She never had her own children which I think served me very well. I also got married to Susie in her backyard.

Kathryn.

I will always consider her my India Mother. She took me to India a few years back and gave me an experience that helped to anchor my values and belief systems. Basically, she helped me answer the question, "Who Am I?" and feel comfortable with saying, "I don't know", about a whole bunch of things, further giving me reason to learn about things and investigate before forming opinions. She helped me figure out what my experiences mean by giving me a framework to do so within. Basically, I learned what to do with what my mother and Aunt Jane gave me.

Dee.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of pictures or personal stories of this very influential mother. She is the mother of the my wife. The love she has for her daughter is clear each of the handful of times I have seen them together. She simply melts in Susie's presence. She has nothing but nice things to say to me whenever I see her both about me and Susie. Due to a recent move to North Carolina and life changing events for us and her, I have not seen Dee often and thus the limited picture selection. Hopefully, I will get to see my mother-in-law more over the years as she is clearly a wonderful woman as evidenced by her raising my favorite woman in the whole world. I hope that Jack can absorb some of whatever it was that she used to help create his mother.

Susie and Jack and The Return of the Monster

It's almost time to check on the monster. Three months have past since we found out about the cyst residing in Jack's head. While it doesn't effect my day, I must admit, I do think of it everyday on numberous occasions when looking at him. It's almost time for the follow-up MRI and I'm not looking forward to it.

Jack has been doing great. He has somewhere around 7 teeth now, laughs hysterically all the time, says mama and dada, scoots but does not quite crawl yet (to our delight), eats Cheerios on his own, and sits around being extremely cute. No signs of the cyst other than the extra large noggin. The other night, however, while trying or not trying to fall asleep, depending on who's perception, Jack began banging his head on the side of the crib. The banging lasted for about 1 minute and was not very hard. Susie and I, of course, immediately began thinking, "oh no, what if it's brain damage". He stopped banging and we stopped ruminating. It is impossible not to think this way. In fact, I feel we would be neglectful not to think this way. We have not called our doctors, we have not researched the possibilities any further, we haven't even talked about it much other than the occasional dread related to the upcoming set of doctor's appointments.

Here's what will be happening: On May 19th, Jack will got to the hospital for an MRI with contrast. This means they will be knocking him out again, injecting dye into his brain to enhance the images, and putting him through the MRI machine. He cannot eat or drink anything the night before the procedure or the day of the procedure itself. Needless to say, it will not be an easy day for him. When the actual procedure is done, he will be taken from us for around 45 minutes and returned, likely unconscious. Then he will wake up to us in a tiny little recovery room where we will wait until the drugs wear off and feed him and finally go home.

Five days later, we meet with the neurologist to find out the results of the MRI. This is when we find out if the cyst has grown, shrunk, stayed the same, whether it is or is not having an effect on his brain, whether or not we will be doing brain surgery now or later or never or possibly that we will simply be following up with another MRI in a few more months. Best case scenario, the cyst sponaneously disappeared; worst case scenario, it has grown and is causing enough pressure on the brain to warrant surgery and drainage of the cyst and need for a shunt(an antiquated drainage device) to be placed in Jack's head, with likely further surgeries needed later in life due to the likelihood of the cyst returning.

As I already stated, Jack is doing great. At this point, if not for his rapid head growth over 3 months ago, we wouldn't even know there was a cyst in there. It's hard to take your well adjusted, normal developing, otherwise healthy, 8 month old baby to a place where they will drug him, expose him to heaps of radiation, and then return him with no concrete reason for doing all of this in the first place. Further, forcing him to fast will also seem cruel as a parent. However, I feel lucky that he is symptom free to date and we are taking him in like this rather than with fears of symptoms related to progressive brain damage.

Yesterday, Susie and I went to my sister's variety show. There, I ran into several people I hadn't seen more than once since Jack was born, none of which I know very well. Many of them said, "We haven't seen you in awhile...where have you been...how's Jack...didn't he have some sort of health issue with his head?" Nice. Well said. It's always a good idea to ask someone about an unknown health issue with their baby in a public gathering...especially when you don't know them well and have no idea if the issue is resolved or still ongoing. Susie and I didn't even tell them in the first place. I suppose they found out through the grapevine which is fine as you would think they would have the common sense not to ask about it, much less, ask about it in that sort of situation with the expectation that everythings all better. I suppose people just want to believe the best.

This is precisely why I blog about this...this and the fact that it is cathartic. If you are reading this, you are likely someone close enough to our family that we want you to know the status of Jack. Further, we know that you all are concerned and wondering where things are at with regard to the monster. Thanks for being sensitivity to Susie and I. Our family and friends, likely you if you're reading this, have done a great job of not asking and waiting for updates.

Immigrants (Know The Facts Before You Decide What You Think)

What are all these protests about? Why are immigrants complaining? Shouldn't they just get a job? If they're illegal, shouldn't they just go home?

It is important to remember in navigating this debate that individuals who are impoverished or persecuted do not have viable ways of entering this country legally and therefore have had to come in illegally in order to eventually get legal status and escape the atrocities they are experiencing elsewhere.

Further, I'd like to preface all of this with the suggestion that immigration reform is indeed needed but this is not a humanitarian way to do it.

H.R. 4437 is a bill before the senate which is seeking to make immigration laws more strict than ever in U.S. history.

Here's why the current protest by immigrants are necessary and why I support them:

1) Prohibit Aid to Illegal Immigrants

The bill includes provisions that the prison term applicable to an illegal immigrant, would also be applicable to anyone who "knowingly aids or assists" that immigrant "to reenter the United States". While these clauses may be intended only to target smugglers, as written it includes any charity, church or neighbor of an illegal alien, who aids the illegal alien to remain in the U.S., for example by providing food, clothing or shelter.

This means that as a counselor, which I am, I could not provide any help to someone needing food, clothing, or shelter without the threat of prison for at least 3 years! Further, either could anyone else, including a church. This is immoral and inhumane at it's very core. If I see a homeless child, needing a place to live, food, or shoes...I'm helping! Not turning them in so they can be returned to another country where they have just escaped similar conditions. Interesting that the majority of supporters of this bill are right wing republicans who are also Christians. Since when is NOT helping thy neighbor Christian? Even Cardinal Roger Mahony of Los Angeles has instructed priests to disobey any law that outlaws humanitarian assistance to illegal immigrants if this bill does become a law.

2) The bill includes measures that will infringe on the human rights of asylum seekers by stripping important due process protections, criminalizing status over which they may have no control, and dramatically limiting their access to essential services. It would also redefine undocumented illegal immigrants as felons, and punish anyone guilty of providing them assistance. It also would create several new mandatory minimum penalties for a variety of offenses, including some that would expose humanitarian workers, public schoolteachers, church workers, and others whose only object is to provide relief and aid to five-year mandatory minimum prison sentences.

3) Housing of illegals will be considered a felony and subject to no less than 3 years in prison

This would mean that if a family moved here from Mexico, or Bosnia, or Sudan, due to extreme poverty, hunger, genocide, or any other reason one might come to the richest nation in the world, and they could not find a place to live, anyone offering them a place to live would be considered a felon. This will result in homeless men and women and children who have come to this country to escape hunger and poverty, in the case of Mexican immigrants, or in some cases oppression, war, etc, in the case of many other immigrants as this bill effects all immigrants, not just Mexicans.


4) The bill also increases penalties for employing illegal aliens to $7,500 for first time offenses, $15,000 for second offenses, and $40,000 for all subsequent offenses

This means that if an individual coming from Mexico wanted to work in order to feed their families, in a nation with plenty of money to drive SUV's with gas prices per gallon above an average Mexican workers weekly pay at a U.S. owned plant in Mexico, employers would be fined. Immigrants won't be able to work for legitimate employers but instead will look to crime and jobs offered by illegitimate businesses instead. Further endangering their families, their children, and you and I. Children of illegal immigrants, not only would be homeless, without counseling or available social services, they would be hungry too; it would be considered a felony to give someone of this status food. Not very Christian...not even civilized! Further, what about the woman who escapes being a sex slave brought here illegally by Eastern European mafia...hides from her captors and eventually assimilates into society albeit still being an illegal immigrant. How does this individual get help? Who does she go to? Can't tell a priest, can't tell a counselor, or a humantarian aid worker. That is what amnesty is for, to protect people from inhumane treatment.


5) It is proposed that a 700 mile wall be developed...Beginning in 1994, the Clinton administration implemented Operation Gatekeeper, a strategy of “control through deterrence” that involved constructing fences and militarizing the parts of the southern border that were the most easily traversed. Instead of deterring migrants, their entry choices were shifted to treacherous terrain—the deserts and mountains. The number of entries and apprehensions were not at all decreased, and the number of deaths due to dehydration and sunstroke in the summer or freezing in the winter dramatically surged. In 1994, fewer than 30 migrants died along the border; by 1998 the number was 147, in 2001, 387 deaths were counted, and this past fiscal year 451 died.

People will continue to attempt to come to the U.S. due to the extreme contrast in quality of life. Even more people would die while trying to escape extreme poverty in a country adjacent to the U.S. which, I might add, the U.S. continues to profit from through cheap labor, and cheap land/resources for outsourcing companies and jobs and exportation of goods and services.

6) Sets the minimum sentence for fraudulent documents at 10 years, fines, or both, with tougher sentencing in cases of aiding drug trafficking and terrorism.

People attempting to provide for their families, work, eat, and be safe in the U.S. would be considered felons receiving larger sentences at a minimum of 10 years...larger than those U.S. citizens committing, rape and murder. Further, I'm glad to see escaping oppression or extreme poverty by forging a green card is still being considered not quite as severe as drug trafficking and terrorism.

7) The bill also seeks to return all illegal immigrants to Mexico or wherever they may have come from regardless of what they may have been suffering from.
What? That would mean that families would be split up, people would return after 5, 10, 15 years to places where they have no jobs, food, and shelter. Children born in the U.S. with parents considered illegal would have to choose between taking their children back to nothing or leaving them behind. These are parents who simply wanted to provide for their families, attracted by the extreme wealth of the richest and most powerful nation in the world. Others would be returned to situations endangering them of the very things that they origanally left in the first place, like torture, enslavement, war, genocide, ethnocide, and so on.

I agree that immigration reform is necessary...there are many ways to make changes to immigration laws that do not contribute to inhumane treatment of women, men, and children. Further, this law needs to account for the sociopolitical factors which have created this problem. We profit off of the very same countries we are pushing away. Not necessarily in a political fashion, but definitely from a corporate standpoint. We place our corporations in these countries, pay low wages, strip them of need for their own products and ask them to stay and suffer the consequences. Even further, we advertise through television, movies, and other media everything that is great about America, everything that they cannot have, and then expect them not to come looking for it. In fact, I could go on about these in detail but would be surprised if most people that read this even make it this far. Most people simply don't care, and somehow have based their opinions simply on watching the news about latinos singing the national anthem in Spanish, or carrying Mexican flags, or simply showing people marching with no real explanation of the proposed legislation itself. As white middle class Americans, we don't necessarily do our research and are likely to form opinions without doing much work to get the facts at all.

Don't forget your families were all illegal immigrants once!!! That is what made this country. I implore you to read about the issues, to find out the facts, to read about alternative proposals to immigration policies, but most of all, not to form any opinions without knowing what the consequences of those opinions could be.

Tumbleweed

Once again I have found a way to shorten a stay in yet another dwelling. Over the past 14 or 15 years I have moved several times. Ever since I moved into the college dorms back in 1991 in Tampa at USF I have averaged about one move every year.

The breakdown (where and why I moved):

1991 Moved to USF (to get an edubacation)
1992 Moved into different dorm (could not afford the expensive dorm any longer)
1993 Moved into seedy apartments in Tampa next to Nebraska Ave. (could not stand my fraternity crazed roomate any longer--gunshots every night were worth it)
1994 Moved to University Townhouse Apartments across from USF (wanted to live in an apartment that had a bar on the premises)
1995 Moved to studio apartment still in Tampa (left crazy girlfriend for new girlfriend)
1995 Moved to another apartment (ex-crazy girlfriend stalking us)
1996 Moved into townhouse with 4 other guys and lived on the floor (drunk)
1996 Moved into yet another apartment in Tampa with my roomate (still drunk)
1997 Moved to Orlando with my sister Sunny in the house she's still in (pursued Masters Degree--still a little drunk)
2002 Moved to Houston, Texas for a year in a house on the ocean (wanted to torture myself)
2003 Moved back to Orlando into my parents house (swam across the Gulf of Mexico to get away from George Bush and all of his friends in Houston)
2003 Moved into a house in Downtown Orlando (strategically aligning myself to collide with the love of my wife)
2004 Moved into an apartment where I would fall in love with, marry and conceive a baby with Susie (a.k.a. The Mayan Ruins)
2005 Moved into another apartment where Jack was born and I would have the most difficult year of my life (bringing us to the present)

2006 We now have to move in July because the owner of our complex is very wealthy and does not want the headache of two people complaining about a moldy apartment or their ceiling that creates it's own afternoon showers...she wrote us a letter indicating that she is sorry for what we have gone through, disowned any responsibility for what transpired, and told us our lease would not be renewed due to my using the "F" Bomb...in actuality, I just found out that the apartments we live in are going to turn condo anyway and no leases will be renewed. The woman just wanted to make us feel bad further bolstering my contention that she is simply MEAN!!! It's all for the best.

But, once again, I'm moving. A tumbleweed.

My New Favorite Picture

This was shot last month at Jack's second wedding in a week. This is moments before his pants fell off.