Pre-Christmas Fun

Today Susie and I took Jack to Leu Gardens, a nature park full of much flora for looky loos and the very same park that I formally proposed to Susie on both knees. Jack loved it as did we. He loves to walk up to flower beds, sit in the middle of them and carefully touch every one of them while giggling.

Future botanist, florist, Ralph Waldo Emerson??? Or, maybe he just likes nature like his mother and father or the "f"ing nature like his Uncle Joe (so, my wife tells me).

After walking about a mile through the park, which is several acres, Jack suddenly went of the beaten path, found a small labeled tree, and sat down next to it. As I walked up to him, I read the label...it was a "Jacktree". Jack began digging into the ground, covering himself in dirt as if doing some strange ritual only Jack's would know. After about 10 minutes of picture shooting, Jack decided he was done, returned to the beaten path, found a puddle and washed his hands off.

A great time was had by all!!!

Christmas is coming and Jack is getting phat...

That's right...Jack is getting P-H-A-T which means cool...at least it did in 1996. He has a huge vocab now, has begun singing his songs on his favorite shows, and even counts when someone else does.

Our weekend getaway was a huge success as we slept in late, went to bed late, consumed adult beverages and ate very expensive food.

Then, after the weekend, Susie went to work and I took Jack to Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure. Jack had his first snow cone, played at the playgrounds, rode the Seuss Merry go round and went on the Cat In the Hat Ride. Then Jack picked out a present for his mother. Cool thing is, I have a season pass and Jack is free so it was a very fun and inexpensive outing.

Yesterday, Jack got to visit the Animal Kingdom lodge, one of the Disney Resorts. The lodge is set up so it feels as if you are on a savannah in Africa. Jack saw his first Giraffe, Zebra, and Bison but it was Susie that seemed the most excited.

I think Jack is being so good as to prevent a coal filled stocking. Hope everyone has a great Christmas!

Back in the Blog Saddle

Let me recap the past 3 weeks. Thanksgiving was great but the days following warranted a renaming of the entire weekend as Angstgiving. Then I got sick, Jack got sicker, and Susie got a bit sick but mostly tired as hell from taking care of the sickos. Now we are all better. Except Jack is still coughing and phlegmy but better all the same. Somewhere in there we bought a tree, hung the lights and worked too much. Then we tried to get a family photo but Jack decided to flip out right at picture time resulting in us leaving and deciding to take our own photo at home...as if we don't have enough already. Oh, and Jack now has about 12 teeth including a couple of molars. So that certainly flavored the past few weeks mood wise.

Blogging has not been on my radar to say the least.

This weekend Susie and I are off to stay in a resort hotel, eat at Emeril's Chop Chop while leaving The Boog with my parents. WE CAN'T FREAKIN WAIT!!!

Thanks to my mother-in-law I may even have some new digs to wear as she sent me a gift card to Kenneth Cole...thanks ma'n'law.

T-Dinner is good for you!

Finally, Thanksgiving dinner is upon us...here is a link to a page which somehow finds a way to make Thankgiving dinner, including the pie, healthy. http://health.yahoo.com/experts/joybauernutrition/4761/hidden-nutrition-gems-in-your-thanksgiving-feast Yes! I'm printing this out for all the health nuts who don't eat T-dinner or even talk about how unhealthy it is. True, it's a bunch of crap, but who cares....it's f-ing Thanksgiving! Be sure to read the angry comments that follow at the bottom of the page...they make me laugh out loud...and "laughing's my favorite" (name the movie this quote is from and the actor who says it and you will be added to my best friend list--does not include a Christmas present but, instead, a special place in my comedic heart)

The school I work at just passed some sort of school law (for those of you in schools, you know that they think they can make their own laws), that kids can no longer bring "unhealthy snacks" to share with others at school. This means, if some kid's Martha Stewart mother bakes them cupcakes to share with the other students on their b-day, they are not allowed to have them. In fact, when the child arrives with the cupcakes, smile on face, proud of mom and the sharing that is about to make them the classroom favorite, the teacher of the class has been instructed to remove the cupcakes and take them to the front office. Here the cupcakes shall sit until the end of the school day when the birthday boy or girl must pick up their cupcakes and return home with them. What! Way to go Orange County schools...you've succesfully made every kid in America, especially those who get no birthday cake at home, hate you and the schools you run even more! No wonder kids are toting guns to school...they can't even eat a freakin' cupcake!

The Boog has a cold

Jack's nickname for a long time now has been Boog. I morphed Luv Bug which is what we called him in utero and Booger together and formed his new name.

Anyway, he has a cold now. Yesterday we took him to the ICE extravaganza at Gaylord Palms. This consists of 2 million lbs. of ice sculptures and Christmasy fun...Boog decided it wasn't fun! He cried, fussed, yelled, screamed, and pretended he was 2 years old the entire time. Meanwhile, being that we were actually there to celebrate my sister's birthday, we decided to stay thinking Boog would eventually come around. Nope.

Today he slept in, still sleeping when I left for work. This morning I was notified by The Mother that he is sneezing, coughing, and his nose is running. Poor kid has a cold and we dragged him around all day through 9 degree temperatures...oh yeah, and he's only one!

Oh well. Hopefully we don't have to cancel our Thanksgiving plans which include dinner at the beach with my mother's family and two nights in a cabin style hotel. Worst case scenario, we stay home and watch free HBO all weekend...hmmm, perhaps this cold thing isn't so bad afterall.

Baby Proton

Yesterday, Jack got to spend the day at Downtown Disney watching his Aunt Sunny in concert in front of Virgin Megastore. The boy must have walked 30 miles, darting inbetween legs, wheelchairs, seeing eye dogs, and children in stollers for about 4 hours during the concert/art festival. He seemed to be the only one year old out of a chair the entire day. At some point during hour 3 it dawned on us that we might need to give the poor boy a nap and a bottle. He ate the bottle but refused to nap so we returned for more walking. That kid can move! Where do babies get all that energy? I think if we hooked all the babies in the world up to some sort of energy capturing device, baby treadmills perhaps, we could solve the world's energy crisis and then some!

Democrats Take Control...of what, I don't know

The message was clearly sent yesterday that the US is not happy with W and his cronies. Well, at least that is the way it is being interpreted.

I must say it feels good to know that W is not going to get anything accomplished off his How To Turn The World Into A Dude Ranch agenda for the next 2 years.

Problem is, either will the Democrats. W will veto everything, Dems will cry, and the rest of us will simply wish Kinky Friedman was running our lives.

Except Jack of course who apparently surprised everyone by winning the popular vote taking place in his own mind. He also successfully passed a referendum to officially make Cheerios the only food...sorry about that everyone.

VOTE

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE

Don't Forget To Vote

Anyone who knows me or has read this blog knows how I feel about apathy. I believe the biggest problem in this country, believe it or not, is not George W. but the apathy and ignorance of the citizens within it. I for one can say I don't always vote and do not stay as informed as I should regarding politics whether local or national. I feel I need to do better in this regard in order to uphold my responsibility as a member of the most powerful nation in the world.

That said, tomorrow is a very important day for all of us as voters. The decisions our government has made and will continue to make are directly related to who we as citizens decide to put in office. Since I've been alive, there has never been a more important election. If you think it doesn't matter, I personally feel you're wrong. The last time I heard that, our country voted in one of the most radical presidents our country has ever known despite warnings from those who predicted he was a war mongering, gay hating, Christian cowboy, with unprecedented short sightedness and zero tolerance for diversity. Need proof, look at the state of this country and the world we live in now compared to 6 years ago.

Please vote. As Americans it is the single most important and responsible thing we can do. When we don't do it, we are saying we don't care about those most directly affected by the decisions our government makes. This type of thinking has resulted in decisions being made that affect us all in more ways than just our pocketbooks. The reason our country has gotten where it has is because of apathy and ignorance.

"What's the difference anyway, politicians are all the same". This simply is not true...not all politicians want war, not all politicians are against a womens right to choose, not all politicians are against gay marriage, or for inhumane immigration reforms, or reducing taxes for the rich, or allowing for education to spiral out of control, or running our government like Enron. If you need help deciding who believes in what and what a politicians platform and just as important what they've actually done in terms of voting records and the like, you can visit www.vote-smart.org.

For one day out of the year, tomorrow, put down your remote control, shut down blogger, turn off your IPod, cancel your yoga class, skip your nap, turn off Oprah(who will likely be telling you to vote), whatever it takes to get to your polling place. If you aren't registered, get registered tomorrow instead of voting and be sure to vote next time. Sitting there means you don't care. Even if you don't care for yourself...please care for the rest of the world and those who will inherit it that can't vote, like Jack.

Go through your address book on your cell phone and computer and call/e-mail everyone you know. Tell them how much it would mean to you if they vote on Tuesday. If they don't know where to vote, help them find their polling place.

The Monster Visits For Halloween

Jack went to a new pediatrician today for a flu shot. Once again, Susie was forced to go it alone, as seems to be the case when bad news is given.

Jack apparently screemed as most babies do for his shot. The bad news however is that Jack's rate of head growth has once again jumped. You may remember that it had previously tapered off. Head size is of course not the concern. I don't care if he looks like a bobble head; the problem is this likely means that the cyst in his head has increased in size and therefore increases the chance of pressure on the brain. As you might expect this can cause many problems, including those that we notice all the time or it could cause no problems (doctors look at extreme symptoms only despite all descriptive data I have looked at collected by parents indicating a myriad of suggested issues).

As you may have gathered through this blog or conversations with Susie and I or actual time spent with Jack, he is quite a moody little guy. However, in brief periods of time, 3, 4, or 5 hours, he usually does well, especially when others are around. Looking at others with babies Jack's age, I often find myself saying, we could never do that with Jack or he would never sit still that long and so on. Some of this I'm sure is normal but right now it doesn't feel that way.

At times we have thought Jack was getting sick only to find that nothing manifested into a cold or anything of the sort. Is it possible he has been having headaches as this is commonly associated with arachnoid cysts? Is it possible this is why Jack was pulling at his hair above the location of the cyst just a few days back? Is it possible that Jack has trouble sleeping lately as late as he was due to increased cranial pressure which I've read is likely to increase when lying down? Is it possible that Jack's left eye which is slightly lazy is due to the effects of the cyst on his brain? Who the hell knows? If I had to guess I would think the answer is yes.

I think I have long felt that Jack has been such a difficult baby due to some other reason besides personality. Further, Susie and I have relatively good coping skills with most life problems we face, but we seemingly are only average at coping with our baby boy, often not seeming to enjoy things or cope as well as others we know. I'm beginning to think this is due to Jack being a bit more unpredictable and possibly just simply not feeling as well as most kids a great deal of his life thus far.

I sent out a request for other peoples experiences with parenting a baby and only got one reply aside from Susie. Probably just as well since I think we are playing a whole different ballgame here.

Once again we are in the hands of the unknown. Once again I'm feeling helpless. Once again I just want to go home and hug my baby boy.

I do feel everything will be fine. I just wish that I could know that Jack isn't experiencing migraines and that his eye isn't drooping from brain pressure and that he won't have to go through brain surgery, EVER.

Sick And Tired

Okay...I had written along rant about our weekend and how difficult Jack was and how hard our life is and how I'm sooooo tired and then, I erased it. I don't want to complain.

What I do want is some honest antecdotal opinions about what YOU think about being the parent of a baby. I don't want the sugar coated answers like, "it's all worth it", or, "it's hard but could be worse", or "each time I look in her eyes all the difficult stuff just goes away". I want the truth. Do you like your life as a parent of a baby? Not, do you like your baby or would you rather have your old life back. I for one would never even remotely consider giving up my life now for my old life and assume most of you wouldn't either. But, that does not mean I enjoy the grind of parenting a baby. I'm attempting to navigate through this myth that being a parent of a baby is some magical, ridiculously fulfilling time period. When, in my experience, it's a motherload of work and a roller coaster of emotions.

Quite honestly, I can't wait until the babyhood is over and the kiddom begins. Let me hear you out there in blogville. What do you really think about it? Again, please don't say any cliches, like, "you'll miss it when it's gone". I'm looking for real experiences, feelings in the moment, not wisdom and realizations after the fact. I already miss Jack's littleness but I certainly don't miss the colic days and never want those back despite many saying that I would.

By the way...if you can't already tell...Susie and I are the proud parents of an extremely loved and wonderful ONLY CHILD!!!

Men--support a good one

You might think by the title, another rant is coming. Well, not this time. Many of you know I don't think very highly of my breathren. Not because of something I read or something I learned in Multicultural Class 101, although that did help me make sense of "it" many years back. My aversion has been created through experiences.

Well there is hope! A man who gets "it" is hard to come by. I mean, one who understands "it", his relationship to "it", and, who attempt to not contribute to "it", and, in some rare cases actually sets out to do something about "it". If you don't know what "it" is then you probably don't get "it" and, well, I guess this entry isn't for you...especially if you are dying to substitute "it" with the name of a female body part or something sexually related or some other word that immediately proves my point.

Recently, a man whom I worked with in a limited capacity quit his job, took a new international/humanitarian job, and relocated to the Gaza Strip to help those in need. I thought he seemed to get "it" in my brief experiences with him at work. Unfortunately, I didn't know for sure until he was gone. He's not out to save the world I don't think but he is out to make a difference and do his part to make it a better place.

You can visit his blog as the link is located in the side bar to the left under My Favorite Blog of the week.

You can also visit the organization he is working for by clicking on the following link and donate to this worthy cause:
JumpStart International

Big Night Out!!!

Susie and I are going out tomorrow night to see a concert!!! Yes, it's true! We have not been out at night by ourselves in months. I think it has been since March on our anniversary. We haven't been out at all since last month without Jack.

We haven't been to a real concert since we saw The Pixies in 2004. The ironic thing I guess is that we are going to see Frank Black...the lead singer of The Pixies and one of my all time favorites but more for his solo stuff.

Honestly, I'd be excited if we were going to see Conway Twitty (why him, I don't know). I'm just happy we're going out! Lookout world...we're going to get wild on Friday night. Details to be kept secret until death.

Choices

Senator McCain is throwing blame at Clinton for the current problems in international affairs, namely with Iraq and North Korea. This seems to be the strategy of the Republican Party at large as they prepare to lose the White House to Hillary in 2008.

Fact is, McCain plans more of the same. He believes our foreign policies are currently the correct ones. What? Have you seen the state of the world right now? Bill Clinton agrees that he was unable to come up with solutions to the problems on several fronts internationally, however, he was actively attempting to work on these. Talks were happening with North Korea. Madeline Albright actually visited Pyongyang. Further, negotiations were on the table throughout.

If we want to play the game of who dropped the ball we could probably keep going back generations and generations of presidents. Did Bush's father solve the middle east problems or the issues in North Korea? What about Reagan, Carter, and so on? Obviously not. These are problems that are decades and in some cases centuries old. It cannot be denied that these problems have gotten worse and in some cases been mishandled disproportionately to past administrations over the past 6 years.

It is clear that our current policies are alienating us from the rest of the world and further endangering our freedoms rather than doing what they claim...protecting them. We certainly are less safe today than before Bush came to office 6 years ago, before we attacked Iraq, and before we developed blanket policies of "do it our way or suffer the consequences". Are we trying to make the regions of the world that already despise our wealth and power hate us even more by contributing to the killing over 1/2 a million people with no tangential purpose to a just cause. Who the hell do we think we are?

Protecting human rights is certainly a just cause but attacking sovereign nations because of made up links to terrorist attacks and sighting weapons that don't exist is not conducive to quelling tensions or even stopping a cycle of hatred and violence.

Where are the people that think we are in a good position today as a nation from a safety standpoint? Who thinks that what we are doing is a "good idea" or helping? Who actually believes that these policies are working? Republican candidates apparently!

New Anti Smoking Slogan--Lookout Nancy Reagan

"Smoke Cigarettes, Stink Like Poop"
Written by a 3rd grader to remain anonymous in case this catches on and I can reap the royalties from t-shirts, hats, commercials, etc...

Kids don't care if your lungs turn black. As soon as the picture of black lungs is taken away they forget. They don't see black lungs on those who smoke in front of them. Kids don't care about cancer...they think they're going to live forever.

Kids DO care about being called stinky, gross, or smelly. Kids DO care if everyone views smoking as a disgusting, dirty habit.

Therefore, if you want kids to not smoke, make it incredibly, socially undesirable. One of my 3rd graders compared smoking to marinating your body in poop for however long you smoke. You can't get it out of your clothes, furniture, car, hair, skin, etc...this based on living with parents who smoke, a lot...not sure how he knows what happens if you marinate in poop?

Kids don't want to be socially undesirable so sorry smokers but the only way to teach my munchkins not to smoke is to make you out to be gross, disgusting and slovenly. I guess you better quit before they see you and say, "ewww".

One kid shared her grandmother quit at 67 and has been smoke free for two years. Way to go grandma. Hope for my in-laws.

Things That Jack Likes Now !!!

1. Playing monster where we chase him while making monster noises and he pretends to try and get away but purposely comes close enough to be caught

2. Sitting in front of the open screen door and watching planes go by over head while waving bye-bye to them

3. Watching Susie or I talk on the phone...he likes to hear us in our regular voices it seems rather than our baby voices...I don't blame him...my baby voice annoys the crap out of me on video tapes to the point I have tried to stop talking on them

4. Taking long walks while saying ducka-ducka-ducka just like Dr. Evil

5. Anything outside

6. Watching The Peewee Herman Show, Teletubbies, and Sesame Street, especially Elmo

7. Playing catch with a tennis ball in the garage while sitting in his stroller listening to old tapes of Nine Inch Nails, Seal, Sting, Lenny Kravitz, Pink Floyd, and Zeppelin, ending with The Cure and maybe The Smiths, if he's not too tired.

8. Any and all playgrounds even though he's still too young to actually do anything there...he flips out with excitement whenever he spots a conglomerate of slide/ladder/primary colors/swings.

9. Chasing the cat, Zip, and saying her name...until she wacks him with her clawless paw

George W. Bush

To those that voted for George W. Bush,

The majority of those that voted for this man as our president are now saying that they disapprove of him, his handling of the war in Iraq, his handling of the issues in New Orleans, his handling of basically everything on the international front, and his handling of the immigration issue.

What I don't understand is how anyone is surprised by this. He has acted very predictably in my opinion. His history smells profusely of ignorance and short sightedness. I won't go into it now but there are plenty of books and research to illustrate this.

Fact is, Bush manifested a rationale for a war on FALSE pretenses. There is no disputing this. He lied to everyone & continues to do so. Read Bob Woodwards's new book if you don't believe me...he's one of the most respected journalists of our time and he says so. Or, listen to one of several generals who have come out against Bush's policy on the war.

Bush told us, despite knowing that there was no evidence of WMD's, that we must invade Iraq to make the world a safer place. He proceeded to invade even though the rest of the world disagreed aside from his buddy, Blair. How are we safer after destroying a country that, by the way already hated us for many complex systemic reasons, killing their women and children and men, all in the name of WMD's only to admit that they had none to begin with? Oh, and by the way, we knew that from the start. Is it me or is there a bit of basic logic missing here? You can't get out of your car at a stop light and beat the hell out of the person tailgating you in your car, along with his wife and children and then say, "Sorry officer but he had a gun, oh, and he tailgates me every day". Only to result in the officer searching in the car to find no gun and no reason for you to attack the man and the innocent others in the car. Results of such actions would undoubtedly result in the family and friends of the family attacked being outraged and for good reason. Even if everyone agreed the tailgaiter was a bad man. If we did this in dealing with tailgating as a rule, well you can imagine the chaos that would ensue having very little to do with ideals and values and everything to do with don't kill my family or I'll kill yours. Where would it stop? Yes, Saddam was dangerous but who decided Bush could eliminate all the dangerous people in the world? How do we as a country allow him to get away with this? How do you and I sit and simply look the other way while he lies to us? How do we not hold him and others in government accountable for not looking at the bigger picture? The Islamic world already had many problems with us; some based in history and some based in radical beliefs, we know that. Didn't this just make the matters millions of times worse?

I agree that lying is all too common in politics these days but in most cases thousands of people are not killed. Further, most lies don't lead to the rest of the world being given thousands more reasons to hate us. As if being the most powerful country in the world, exploiting other countries for cheap labor, supporting corrupt governments, and colluding with those that support OUR agenda was not enough fodder for others to hate us already.

Bush is incredibly devisive. He has done more to pull Americans apart along party lines than anyone in my lifetime, probably since Vietnam or even McCarthyism. He is incredibly arrogant and often ignorant on how he impacts the way the world perceives our country. Example, stuffing rolls in your mouth at the U.N. while talking to a head of state and talking about foreign affairs the way you would about your neighbors poor parenting skills is simply not becoming of the leader of the world. Ignorant to the effect this has on the world's perception of us. Like it or not, others perceive America directly by the way our leaders behave. This is true all the way down to the minute details of how they greet them. Most people generalize about larger groups from their experiences of individuals members of those groups. This may be a generalization error in logic but it is also human nature. Therefore, the world thinks we all act, think, and behave the way our world leaders think. This is especially true of countries being treated poorly by us either by corporate exploitation, sanctions resulting in death of their children, and, more directly, when we attack them with troops.

Bush doesn't care about what others think. Period. He's said so. Like a parent who makes a decision in their family and simply explains it to their kid as "because I said so". That usually doesn't work well in the long run in parenting and it certainly doesn't work well in world politics. He thinks that praying to a Christian God allows him to speak for the world on what is right and wrong. He seems to think that his values are Americas values and, much worse, that his ways of enforcing these values are immune to debate or criticism. He seems to think that the popular opinion is simply misguided and incapable of understanding what he understands. If you disagree with him, you are somehow un-American or simply don't understand the issues. Why aren't we all insulted by this? Why don't we care? Fact is, it will have an impact on our lives for a long time and especially our children's lives. When I'm old, we will talk about what if Bush never became president. How would the world have been a better place? I guarantee it and I sincerely hope we can say that we made some good decisions following this fiasco.

One mark of a great leader and a great human being, in my opinion, is their ability to accept when they are wrong and make changes when necessary. If you voted for Bush, please take responsibility for your choice as he certainly is not taking responsibility for his. It is our responsibility to make sure that all of the problems Bush has created are corrected. Stop acting surprised and/or apathetic. If you voted for him based on character only or simply voted against his opposition due to personality (because he resembled Frankenstein or because he was monotone), don't make this mistake again. Vote on what a person's done and what their position on issues are not simply whether or not they seem like they would tell good stories around the campfire. If you are simply complacent or actually happy with the results than, well, quite frankly, you scare the hell out of me and hopefully there aren't too many of you out there.

The only way this turns around is if we all decide not to think this is the way the world is. It isn't the way the world is, it's the way our leaders that we have voted into office have made our world and is directly related to our apathy as a nation and the collective ignorance within it. Most people that I know that vote, vote on personality of candidates first, their personal pocketbook second, and then hot button issues like abortion, gay marriage, etc. Start looking at the big picture. Our world is imploding and it is our responsibility to stop it. The majority of the problems in our world today exist systemically and are socially constructed. If we all do our part to understand these issues from a systemic perspective, it will serve us better as voters and in the long run, as human beings.

Those that vote on their pocketbook first, conservative Republicans take note here, are often voting for the same people that have led us into this debacle. You likely won't even begin to understand what I have written here and will simply dismiss it as liberal drivel...which has become a way for people to basically say, I don't care about anyone else, just give me my money, my cheeseburgers, and Coke's and well, your money too, good luck to the rest of you, it's not my problem.

Sincerely,

One person who wants a world free of ignorance and it's #1 spokesman, Dublya

Great Weekend

Jack had his first ever GREAT weekend. By this I mean he whined when appropriate, nap times, bed times, head banging times, etc. The rest of the time he played and had fun with us, his parents. This weekend Jack went to his girlfriend's birthday party and played outside on a blanket after a long walk in much cooler weather. Jack took long naps and slept through the night all weekend as well. Yipppeee! Soon we will really put him to the test with a road trip to Miami. I guess we just like to torture ourselves.

Side note: Thank God Jack had a good weekend as it was the worst football weekend ever with the Dolphins and Hurricanes both looking horrid. I'm actually beginning to hate football. What's happening to me?

Paper sucks!

I hate paperwork. Right now, at work, after training a group of "good kids" to give tours to new students and then deescalating an angry little boy who is basically homeless and wearing pants he thinks are embarrasing and wanting to punch everyone and everything that crosses his path, I have finally had a chance to breathe. I'm sitting at my desk staring at a mountain of paperwork. My weeks have become so busy I don't have time to even make a dent in the pile of paperwork that only counselors and maybe those in government jobs could possibly understand.

Anyway, paperwork is my nemesis. I've always had a problem with it. When I counsel a kid, which I do for a living for those of you that don't know, I have to fill out anywhere from 3 to 6 pieces of paper on that mtg alone. Multiply this times several mtg's with kids per day and well you can see how it begins to stack up. Then throw in all the other beaurocratic b.s. paperwork and, you get the picture. Mountainous.

Imagine a world with NO paperwork. A world with crystal clear streams of spring water, birds chirping from the tree tops, and fresh, homemade blueberry muffins, still warm from the oven with real butter...imagine it and then come back to reality. Time to do paperwork! Of course, some kid will fly through my office door at any minute, screaming that so and so wrote that his mother is fat on the bathroom wall above the urinal. I'll tell him to write, "that's not true", next to it. 6 more pieces of paper. Maybe I'll just let it continue to pile up and quit when someone asks me to do it? Who invented paper anyway...hmmmm, papyrus, Egyptians I think...I hate Egyptians!!!

It's All Relative

This weekend, Susie and I did the usual. Doctor's appointment on Saturday with shots. Jack barfed on Susie at bedtime. We cleaned up barf and ate dinner...one after the other.

Next day, I woke up at 5:30 and laid in bed, sleep deprived, waiting for the one year old to awaken with his bruised legs and fever. He awoke at 6:45 as expected. We walked to Wal-Mart for entertainment only to head back to our cave due to extreme heat despite officially beginning fall. Jack had two 30 minute naps all day getting crankier as the day progressed. I dragged around all day feeling ridiculously tired and didn't hardly mutter a word. Susie cleaned and attempted to entertain Jack while I felt sorry for myself, as another grueling work week readied to begin again. Jack went to bed only to awaken a half an hour later right as we sat down to eat Sunday night dinner at around 8:00pm. Screaming hysterically and very high pitched apparently due to his aquarium-crib-attachment-thing falling to the floor, he decided not to go back to sleep.

Two hours later, Jack was sleeping and Susie and I scarfed down dinner and went to bed. Official weekend status report...sucky!

On the other hand, at work today, within two hours of getting here, I met with one kid who had been choked by his father, discussed with another kid about how he and his family are in need of housing assistance due to being evicted as his father is addicted to drugs and does not have a job and his mother abandoned them in the middle of the night two years ago with no warning or goodbye, and another kid who's father went to prison for domestic violence. It could be worse, much, much worse.

I'm lucky, even when my weekend is, "sucky".

Jack got some toys and I got a lesson in life

I realize that all the values I ever had and Susie ever had or wanted that we now have control over have become the way Susie and I want our family to be. Like most families, we want Jack to be raised with these values too.

Change happens when you have a baby...it's inevitable. One way I've changed is that all the values I ever had that I teetered back and forth with have suddenly become solid. For example, on a more salient level, violence on t.v. is suddenly much worse and it is apparent that this is not okay to have on around Jack. Yes, that means we turn the chanel if Jack is in the room and Kill Bill is on.

On a less obvious level, suddenly there will not be a football game on my television during my son's birthday party. I know to some this is a shock but it comes from wanting to teach my son about priorities and the importance of being present with those you truly care about. When Jack's older and decides, "for my birthday I want to have a party with the football game on", then that is fine. However, I don't want him to be sitting with his girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever kind of friend, someday and turning a football game on in the middle of the person's party he is simultaneously saying he cares about. I want him to want to be in the moment with whomever he allegedly cares about.

For those of you who weren't at the birthday party this weekend, you probably are wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Basically, I'm explaining why I didn't want the Miami Hurricane football game on in the background of my son's birthday.

Short answer: I wanted the day to be about Jack.

Long answer: see above and...Jack will be raised to SHOW that he cares about those he supposedly cares about. For years I had trouble being intimate with others...saying I cared and much less showing I cared. This caused me tremendous pain in relationships and caused me to miss out on experiences being more fulfilling than they were. I don't want that for Jack. I want Jack to know how to say I Love You by looking someone in the eyes, by being in the moment with them, and by doing it over and over again without discomfort. Further, I don't want him to be confused like I was. I know this sounds ridiculously mushy and not very "manly". Who the hell cares! Life is better when you can truly BE with those you love...whether it be family, friends, or complete strangers.

As a man, my experiences lead me to believe that I am not the only man that has struggled with being intimate with others. I don't mean the bedroom kind of intimacy where most of us try to overcompensate expressing how much we care in the wrong setting by "making love to you baby". Most of my male friends gowing up and now don't say much about what they like about each other. They probably do this with the women they love but they typically, in my experience, don't even do this with each other about the women they love. In fact, often it's the opposite. They pretend to not care as much, "old ball and chain", or "whatever she says I just do it", "she's the boss". Unfortunately, many of them have crappy relationships with their significant others with no real intimacy either. While this is certainly not a blanket theory as not all men are this way, I do feel that our society in general rewards men for being less intimate at least with superficial rewards like power over and with other men and "bagging chicks"...visit any college campus any day of the week if you don't agree with me. Or, allow me to tape a conversation behind closed doors between any group of men. Trust me, the conversation will 90% of the time indicate less than stellar results on the intimacy scale.

This is precisely why I want to try and raise Jack this way. I know the football game seems trivial but to me it's not. It's a subtle lesson in priorities and what truly matters.

I think that we get very few opportunities to make meaning in our lives. One way we do this is by having truly intimate relationships with others. In the end, this is one of just a few ways by which we measure happiness. Hopefully, Jack will be very happy someday and if I can help facilitate that by not playing a football game at his b-day party than, yipppee!!!

If not, oh well. At least I tried. In the end, it's only important that Jack knows that his mother and I feel this way. He will decide to accept or reject this value. He will also need to cope with all of those, the majority of people in my experience, that don't hold this value or at the very least don't uphold it.

Jack will never be confused about who or what comes first when it comes to his dad...you do buddy!

Happy Birthday Jacky

The boy is ONE! Well not until 10:01am officially.

This morning Susie and I woke up and went into Jack's room, armed with rolling video camera, and sang a tired version of Happy Birthday to the birthday boy. Then I was forced to rush out the door to work while listening to Jack's big boy laugh whilst his mother sang, "It's your birfday".

Now at work and writing this blog, I can't help but get a bit choked up thinking about the year we've had with our little boy. I remember the post-birth room, changing Jack's first diaper in the dark, freezing in the hospital with no way to turn the air conditioner up, lanugo, formula chaos, the first time Jack ate solids, the first time he ate spaghetti, laughing hysterically while he belly laughed about his walker, laying on the floor with Jack when only a couple weeks old and listening to the Beatles, wrapping Jack nearly every night for like 4 months so he would sleep a bit better, an incredible amount of screaming, dock walks, doctor appointments and tests, the 1st Holidays, troubleshooting with Jack's mother when confused 99% of the time, crying and laughing with Jack's mother when confused 99% of the time, the first tooth and the 7 that followed, bathtime with the Frogpond Wizard, playing monster in the afternoons, more screaming, the first smiles and laughs, the first talking sounds, first words mama, dada, and cat, long walks at 5am, Jack's first concert...The Knack, swimming in the Lake Crest pool, quietly watching him sleep, getting him out of the crib in the mornings while he laughed in excitement, but, most of all, I remember the overwhelming feeling of knowing that my son was going to be okay.

Jack, you make every day meaningful for me. You are an inspiration to me, a great memory and dream at the same time, and you fill me with hope about every part of my life and the world.

At this moment, you are probably at home getting ready to eat your breakfast with your mom and I am here thinking of you counting the minutes to come home with you and begin your birthday weekend. Happy Birthday baby boy...I hope you have a lifetime of feeling the way your mother and I feel when with you.

Love, Dad

Now I must hide in my office and cry all day until I get to go home.

Another JOB

Not Job, as in the Bible, although sometimes I feel like that. I mean, I have another job now. For some reason it did not really hit home that I would be working two jobs until today. Until now, The Homework Club has simply been a plan or idea. Yeah, it's been a lot of work already but it hasn't been a job per se. Today is the actual grand opening with REAL paying customers. Now it's a job. It's very important to me that the kids have fun there but even more important that they achieve what there parents are paying for them to achieve, so I feel a tremendous sense of responsibility. We'll see how it goes today. Cross your fingers for me or whatever superstition tends to work for you.

As far as Jack goes...I nearly cried the other day when I came to the REALIZATION that he is almost one. I didn't even see it coming. I mean suddenly when talking to my mother about him crawling in cake on the big day, I realized it is going to be quite emotional. Also, I know that if I cry, Susie will be filling buckets.

The Homework Club

So far so good. We have 3 people who have signed their kids up for the entire month! We have not advertised other than a few flyer's and signs in the adjacent dance studio so we are pleased thus far. Saturday I plan to put on my used car salesman suit and start aggressively pulling people in if possible. Eventually we will hit the neighborhoods with flyers and advertise in the local papers but the idea is to start small so we can work the bugs out.

I have to admit, because of my sharp aversion to failure, this has been very difficult from an ego standpoint. If things fall apart I will be very disappointed but will get over it. On the other hand, I'm not going to let it fail. I will literally go door to door until I find some kids who need help.

This is the first time I've ever made money on something I (and Susie) created. It's very rewarding to get acknowledgement that other's are interested in your ideas no matter how simple they are. Further, it's empowering to make money out of nothing...I'm used to making money for others and getting paid a little out of the whole lot. I loathe working FOR others and love the prospect of working for myself and especially in a partnership with my favorite person (Suebaby)

With regard to Jack, it's hard to leave in the morning at 7am and get home at almost 9pm. I won't see him at all 2 full days and nights per week. It does, however, make the time I do get with him on the days Susie works late that much better. Susie and I will also miss each other at least 4 nights a week which is also difficult.

However, when we are working for ourselves and taking yearly trips to Europe, I think it will all seem quite worth it.

Busy, Busy

After a relaxing weekend with Susie's parents, it's almost time for our grand opening!

My in-laws, Dee and Brad, were in town for the weekend. We hadn't seen them since December at Christmas so it was a well overdue visit. We had a great time sharing Jack with them and they seemed to love staring at him, playing with him, laughing with him, and even his newfound high pitched scream. It was nice to get some pictures and memories with someone outside of my family for a change. They both love Jack very much and it was great to watch them show it in person. I know Jack had fun with them too.

Moving on, September 5th is opening day for The Homework Club. The carpet is in, the books and supplies are in, but everything is laying on the floor as there is no furniture, decorations, curtains, etc. So, we will have our hands full for the next week trying to prepare in what looks like will be our first hurricane of the season.

If you don't hear from us or we seem like we've dropped off the face of the earth as many of you already think we have; you know where we'll be.

New Homework Club website address if your interested: www.raskinhomeworkclub.com

Conner--You are truly missed

A very good friend of mine gave me some very bad news yesterday. He informed me that he and his wife had lost their baby boy, Conner. He died the day after delivery due to severe complications.

I have never been in that position before but, as a parent, I know it must be among the most difficult things anyone could ever deal with.

Conner had great parents that he only got to know for a few moments. He died in his fathers arms who I know loved him very much.

Conner you may have only been alive for short time but you are truly missed. We are thinking of you and your family.

Slowly but surely...

Yesterday, Jack turned 11 months. According to his mother he had a great day, all day long. He ate big people food, played, napped well and did great right up until going to bed.

I went to the grocery store for an hour, came back, and said to Susie, "Today seemed almost too good to be true". She agreed and we both sort of moved on. I thought to myself, I bet he wakes up in the middle of the night just to remind us who's boss.

Fast forward to 12am. Jack wakes up screaming. We both wake up assuming that it's 6am and time to get up. Simultaneously we look at the clocks and notice, it's midnight! Susie goes to change the diaper and I headed downstairs to make a bottle. Jack proceeds to eat the entire bottle and then it's back to the crib where he falls asleep immediately.

I then lay in the bed for the next hour and a half...then I wake again to Jack whining in the crib at about 5:30am. I head to his room thinking, need more sleepy. I throw some toys in and turn his musical bird projector on and head back to bed. I have every intention of getting back up for good in 15 minutes. Somewhere in there I fall back asleep and, get this, so does Jack!

Later, while getting ready to leave for work, Jack wakes up at 7:15! Your still in charge Jack, but we're taking over! Slowly but surely...

Birthday invites to be sent out this weekend...clear your calendars 9/16 in the afternoon...baby party in St.Cloud.

Roadtrip and College

Jack went to college on Saturday. We stopped by my alma mater while on our way to a baby shower in the Tampa area. I told Jack not to go to a state school as they are just degree manufacturing machines but he just ignored me. He said he would go where he wants...as long as he goes to college, I guess I'm fine with that.

The trip to Tampa was experimental as it was the longest time Jack has spent in the car. He was great all day. In fact, I felt like we should do something special for him. That is until the trip back home. Baby screaming on I-4 after a day in the heat, with heaps of driving, and baby showering, is a true test in patience. Let's put it this way, the next day I felt like I was injured. My body hurt and I felt like laying in the bed all day which of course did not happen. Jack's grade for road tripping, a resounding B+...sorry Jack...would have been an A but that scream has already made me a little bit looney tunes and you just about freaked me out when it sounded like you threw up in your carseat from screaming so much. Not a good sound when you can't see your baby!

Next test, Miami. Within the next month hopefully. If you pray, we will need your prayers, if you don't we will need your money.

No More MRI's For 6 months

Yesterday, Jack had his 3rd visit to the neurosurgeon, Dr. Trumble. Susie met me there, Jack in tow at about 3pm, as I arrived from work. Jack was very good while waiting, talking to all the kids with large or oddly shaped heads like himself. It was a meeting of the mysterious minds if you will.

By 4pm we were done with the appointment with good news. Trumble informed us that there was no change in the status of the cyst or fluid accumulation. Therefore, the plan is to follow up in 6 months to check on it again.

The appointment went well overall. Although, it was very hard to look at images, Trumble shows us the films from the MRI's each time and reviews what we are seeing, of Jack's so-called abnormal brain. Basically, when looking at it, it appears that part of the parietal hemisphere is missing. In fact, it is likely simply misshapen. It has either grown around a fluid filled sac (the cyst) or there is no cyst at all and the brain is just oddly shaped. According to Trumble, we may never know. The only way we would know is if there is a change in the way the brain looks or they actually operate and open the skull which will only happen if there are changes in the size of the cyst or shape of the brain.

So, the monster eludes us once again. It's hard to see something in your baby's head that isn't "normal". It's hard not to know what this actually holds for his future. In the end, however, it's great to know he's doing so well now. Hopefully, we never know why or what is in there.

Dr. Trumble, by the way, is the best. He always appears to have time for us despite a full waiting room. He's very attentive and sensitive to our situation, despite having done brain surgery earlier in the day that may have saved someone's life. He sends us a copy of his case note via e-mail after each visit allowing us to keep a record of what he has told us and what is in Jack's patient record. Also, each of the rooms in his practice has a theme (Batman Room, Dora The Explorer Room, Finding Nemo Waiting Room, etc.). Jack loves the themes.

Thanks Trumble, for making this more than crappy experience a great deal better than it would be and probably is for many others!

Peek A Boo with the Monster

So yesterday was a long day. Thursday, Susie went to work and I took the day off. Jack and I played all day, going to the park, to visit the grandparents, to the library, and we crawl raced for hours. A great day with very little fussiness and lots of smiley, laughing Jack. When Jack's happy, daddy's happy!

Then, the next morning Susie and I woke up to Iggy Pop's Lust For Life on the alarm at 5:30am. We got dressed, woke up the bug, fed him, packed him up, and headed to Orlando in separate cars, a 30 minute drive nowadays. Jack laughed, talked and sang the whole way in my car.

Then we got to the hospital where we were schedule in 5 minutes to check-in and the parking garage was full...at 7am! After splitting up, Susie and I finally found spaces and met up inside after figuring out where each of us were. It wouldn't be a medical procedure without some chaos. Then we checked in...Jack all the while smiling, laughing, and talking.

We checked in and were brought to the Radiology Unit and sat in the lobby. The room, which has grown quite familiar at this point, began to bring back a great deal of bad memories. Some of the memories directly related to Jack and the monster in his head and some of the memories related to the trauma victims and other children we had seen in the radiology unit over the past several visits. Finding Nemo, as always, was playing on the big screen tv in the lobby which will forever be synonymous with cysts and head injuries for the rest of my life.

After 15 minutes, time enough for me to develop a case of stress tummy, Jack was called back. Susie and I already had decided I would go back with him as only one of us could go and I expressed a stong desire to be the one leaving the door open for her if she chose. She readily indicated it was fine if I went.

Walking back, I remembered the first time we had come and I had gone alone with Jack into the CT Scan. I remembered how little he was. This time was different. He was aware of where we were it seemed and also appeared a bit scared, grasping my shirt. I pretended to be jovial, holding him tight, but laughing and kissing him.

We got back to the MRI room and the tech checked everything out. It was nice to know there would be no anesthesia or dye injected into the bug this time but I wasn't prepared or even aware of what would transpire. Here's what followed...I had to wear a vest for radiation protection that resembled a flack jacket seen on CNN by war correspondents, Jack had to lie on a table with his head between two braces, I was informed I could try and feed him while in the machine if I could reach, headphones were placed over Jack's ears due to the loud noises I was warned would follow and I was given earplugs. Within 5 minutes, the tech was ready to go and placed the headphones on Jacks ears. Until then Jack just looked confused. Now he was screaming. I held his arms down as he attempted to remove the straps that were holding him in place while continuing to cry. I tried the bottle but knew there was no way this was going to happen. I decided to focus on looking calm and smiling at Jack. Suddenly the table he layed on moved back into the magnetic tunnel and stopped at just the point where Jack was almost out of reach. I leaned in and held his arms wanting to climb in and comfort him. The machine started as Jack began screaming even louder. He stopped screaming when hearing the loud banging noises and stared at my face through a mirror angled above his head so he could see out. He looked at me in a diffent way than ever before, a look of fear you never want to say on your childs face, and especially when you can't get to him. I just smiled and focused on being calm for him. After 5 minutes it was over. I unstrapped him and removed the headphones before the tech even got out. Then I picked him up and fed him his bottle as he was about 45 minutes past his normal feeding time at this point. He scarfed the bottle down hungry and needing the comfort of something safe and familiar.

Jack played and laughed the rest of the day like nothing ever happened. He's my favorite little boy in the whole world and I'm so lucky, he's ours. I hate seeing him scared but I know it's much worse for us than him, at least at this young age.

Next appointment is next week on Wednesday with the neurologist, Dr. Trumble, to review the results of the MRI. This one is in the afternoon, so I'll let everyone know the results as soon as possible that evening or the next.

Becoming A Man and Shout Outs

Jack's becoming a man. He is now arguing in baby talk or possibly a mix of Japanese and German. Sometimes he argues with his toys but often it is with us, his parents. I rarely see him do it to others. He eats a ton and apparently loves turkey as he ate nearly all of the meat in my omelette yesterday.

Later this week, Jack goes for another MRI on the ole noggin. This one is much more simplistic, resembling an Xray more than an acutal MRI as far as the procedure. He doesn't have to fast either so that is much better. Next week we follow up with the neurologist and if all is well, which I fully expect it will be, we don't go back for 6 months, then one year from that, and 2 years from that.

Jack seems to be coming closer to talking and walking and is crawling his knees raw to the bone. He loves to chase the cat, look at babies, eat spaghetti, and take a bath. He also loves to take walks. He's outgrowing all of the most influential baby items like his swing, his walker, and many of his toys. He's becoming a man. Soon he'll be in college which we're saving for very slowly.

Want to send a shout out to my friend Tim and his wife Mari...their baby is still cooking and due in a couple of months. Also, a shout out to my uncle Jason and his wife Avavit who's baby is due any day now. Best of luck to you. Please do not read my blog beyond this entry. Babies are great and easy and cute and cuddly and soft and fun...all of the time and every moment is worth it and wonderful. Wink.

Jack's Ear...In The Clear

Susie just called from the Dr. appt. and it appears that the ear infection which included a week of diahrea, restless sleep, and extreme crankiness has finally disappeared. I'm so happy for Jack as this has not been fun. The poor guy has been so miserable with the worst and his very first diaper rash ever due to the antibiotics and the lovely side effects that came with them. He's been doing great though, as of late, crawling everywhere. He loves to throw things and chase them while talking in Japanese. His favorite toy is this motorized hamster in a ball that rolls around the house while he chases it...we call it Hammy and he calls it fun. He gets extremely excited when seeing a baby, especially dark skinned babies (not a racist--thank God). He loves hide and seek and especially when monsters try to attack him in funny monster voices armed with zerberts. He is pulling up to stand with ease now and he even stands alone for a few seconds with no fear of falling. Probably going to walk soon...maybe by his birthday...just a month and a half away now. His favorite food seems to be spaghetti and he also seems to like yogurt but not mixed together. I think he's going to be a dancing, singing, comedian, who likes a long rant, a bit like Dennis Miller but a democrat, oh what that's me...either that or the president of planet Mercury as he is conditioning in the Florida heat and apparently this planet will be gone in the next 50 years if things keep going this way. The longest year ever is coming to an end and I still can't believe he's almost one!!! I think New Years Eve should be 9/14 (Jack's Birth Eve--maybe we could even drop a ball) as this seems more significant these days and I wouldn't mind getting a little toasty.

Support Our Troops

As many of you know I'm absolutely against the war in Iraq. I attended protests prior to the war beginning and once it started while living in Houston. While I'm against the war I do support our troops. Some people with black and white thinking and blind patriotism cannot understand how this is possible. Well, it's simple. I don't believe in using our troops for senseless, needless wars. Unfortunately now that our government led by George Bush has gotten us into this war, we cannot simply pick up and leave. This means our troops (families and friends) will continue to senselessly be put in harms way for no purpose whatsoever. Iraq will spiral out of control eventually again because the problems which led up to this event still exist. Deeper, systemic societal issues than I care to discuss here. I do believe in supporting our troops however. Therefore I am providing a link to an organization that I have become aware of that I fully trust and support. Please take the time to visit the site as it is one way you can help assist those injured and/or severely wounded that Bush and our government (war mongering republicans and spineless democrats alike) threw into a war that we shouldn't be fighting in the first place... http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org

Dill Weed

Rent-A-Baby After 3PM

I've decided to put Jack up for rent after 3pm 7 days a week. If interested please let me know. You should know however that when he wakes up from his nap he is likely to whine, scream, cry, and possibly even hit, scratch, or bite you. He may even poop on the floor if you make the mistake of letting him crawl around with no diaper for more than 30 seconds.

We actually had a good weekend, half of the time and a horrible weekend half of the time. Saturday morning, Jack's 10 month b-day, we went to the Osceola Flea Market. Jack seemed a bit thrown off and kind of indifferent to the experience. We then decided to drive him to sleep. He slept and we ended up in the middle of nowhere. We found a park and fed the boy whilst watching the flora and fauna bake in the 100 degree encroaching heat. We then head back from the middle of nowhere to almost somewhere (Saint Cloud) where we took Jack to a Mexican restaraunt. Jack flirted with a waitress and ate refried beans, a precursor of things to come (baby+beans=?)

We then went home where Jack pooped on the floor...not until now did I see the Mexican food connection. Then we put him down for his next nap. 30 minutes later he woke up, MAD!!! Mad he stayed, for 3 more hours. After dinner and attempts to quell him, it was time for his bath. I nearly drowned my favorite boy as he suddenly leaned forward in his baby bath chair going face down in the water. I swept him out and he screamed and coughed water as I quickly attained status as the worst parent in the house.

So, let's see, I fed the baby Mexican food leading to over 4 poops per day for 2 days and nearly drowned the boy forever scaring him and possibly resulting in a water phobia...oops!

He went to sleep. Susie went to the grocery store and in the process found out our very young neighbor and mother of two very young little girls died mysteriously of a heart attack. She found out from the woman's husband who was wandering in the yard aimlessly while police investigated. A very somber evening followed where Sue and I contemplated how to help and how lucky we are.

The next day improved but ended with the same fussy baby. My sister visited us for the first time in our new place, while Jack finished an hour and 15 minute nap, a good sign of things to come, we thought. We had a great visit with her as we went to the lakefront beach and took Jack swimming with his friends Hayden and Nicholas. Jack had a great time but apparently got a little out of sorts as he decided to throw a screaming fit in the car. Then he skipped his nap all together in the afternoon. However, he left the fussiness and played and watched his favorite video. He loves Mozart and Tchaikovsky and Yo Yo Ma (musician or perhaps music critic?) Finally, bedtime.

Susie and I laid there. Comatose. Lambasted. What a weekend! Just like every weekend...maybe we suck at this but we are exhausted every day. It seems like other parents like it a great deal more than us? Maybe Jack's more work than the average baby? Who knows?

At least we didn't drown him this weekend. I love the lil bug but he's for rent after 3pm...any takers.

I can see the light...

We finally got cable hooked up and we are connected to the internet. I suppose this is like a near death experience when you suddenly see the light.

Jack woke at 4am last night at which time Susie fed him a bottle and he went back to sleep. Poor bug's little ears hurt.

This weekend we will probably continue to attempt to get rid of the ear infection, unpack and set up our new place, battle the Earwig infestation in our house(gross topic for some other time), and hopefully mix in some fun things if we can withstand the heat outside.

Happy 10 Month Birthday to Jack tomorrow!!!

Burried Alive!!!

That's the only good analogy for what it feels like to move to a new town, with a baby, no cable, and no internet. However, as of yesterday, we tapped into the city internet system virtually bypassing Brighthouse. I won't get into why this is so satisfying to me but let's just say...suck it Brighthouse!

Okay, so...today Susie took Jack to the doc because we found a small lump on the back of his head towards his neck. Basically, it feels like a small cyst and is not duplicated on the other side to touch. Therefore, we were concerned. On top of this, Jack has been quite cranky at times and has run a low temperature on occasion over the past few days. He also has pulled at his ears for the past couple of weeks which we attributed to teething as we have read this is common but thought an ear infection was an outside possibility. Not wanting to be the overreacting/overprotective parents we have the capability of being we decided to wait it out and see if the pulling stopped. Especially since most literature indicates many ear infections must simply go away on their own.

We stuck with this until we found the lump. We scheduled the appointment on Monday for today and have worried about the lump for a couple of days now. Meanwhile, last night Jack threw up a very large volume of formula, black beans, bananas, baby food, and cheerios. Needless to say, this had us on edge confounding our reasons to worry. We think he just ate too much as he ate like a horse yesterday and I think his body decided, "cannot digest...too much food"...hence, throw up! And throw up he did...it just kept coming. No longer the baby puke of yesteryear, it was smelly big boy puke! We gave him a bath, Susie ran to the store for carpet cleaner, and I put him to bed after some water and a little formula. Poor baby!

Well Susie just called from the pediatrician and all is well. At least relatively. Jack has an ear infection and has been given antibiotics. The lump was a swollen lymph node due to the ear infection most likely. Poor little guy has probably had the ear infection for about 3 weeks. The problem is he's always moody...always has been since birth. Therefore, we hardly could tell if he was acting abnormal. It turns out his ear hurts. We both feel bad for taking so long to get him to the doctor. However, this was good news considering, with regard to all of his short but profound medical hx, we were ready for more cysts and tests and systemic medical woes. Alas, a light at the end of one very small tunnel.

Anyway, we are back on e-mail and will be posting on our blogs again. Sorry for being out of touch with many of you as it seems we haven't even had a chance to call lately.

Quick Update

Susie and I still are unable to get our e-mail and don't have internet access at home. Jack is doing fine, teething, as usual. We are having problems getting cable and internet and don't know when this will be resolved so don't send e-mails expecting replies any time soon.

Grandparents Are Back...but not for long!!!!

My parents got back after one week in Tennessee yesterday. Susie and I got our first reprieve from the boy in over a week. Our other babysitter left for New York and the up and coming sitters are not yet trained. This left us with noone to watch Jack while trying to unpack and move in...not a good combo when your baby masters the crawl.

During our 2 hours of respite, we went to dinner and walked around WalMart searching for electronic necessities. It was a very much needed 2 hours. Today my mother is watching Jack while Susie gets 4 hours. Now that we're closer to my parents, it's much easier to set up brief babysitting breaks.

Our home computer is due to be set up with internet today as we have not been able to access it yet except for at work on occassion. So, if anyone has sent an e-mail, it has not yet been read.

The week after next my parents are headed on a cruise to Russia (I think?)for two weeks. I guess we need to train the new babysitters, Jessica/Martin and Aunt Di...get ready for the most anal retentive babysitting crash course ever where I will say things like, "Don't forget, he can't drive" and "Please don't let him eat poison out of the cabinets". It's funny the things you tell people when they watch your baby even when you know they've raised babies of their own and are perfectly capable.

4th of July and Isolation

Yesterday for the 4th, Susie and I struggled to keep Jack corraled. We woke up early with the Sultan who insisted on his favorite meal, The White Stuff a.k.a. baby formula. Then we went to our Village Inn...our new favorite breakfast eatery and possibly the only one.

Aside...there is no Chik-Fil-A in St. Cloud! Susie informed me along time ago she could never live in a town with no Chik-Fil-A...I hope she doesn't leave! There is also no Target...is this even possible. WalMart reigns supreme here...a true testament that we are in the country far away from civilization as we know it.

After breakfast, we took Jack to WalMart to buy a pool for the backyard and a sprinkler to sprinkle him. After shopping, we returned home. We got the pool ready, peeled Jack out of his clothes while he screamed because we were stopping him from crawling, and threw him in the pool. He immediately, without any hesitation, attempted to crawl out, successfully, into the grass. He decided that the pool was a piece of crap and the grass was of God! For 30 minutes we attempted to force him to like the pool and we created a baby firework. Finally, Susie put him on the grass, naked. This last about 30 seconds when we noticed spiders and other bugs were probably crawling up the boys haunches. Pool time ended.

The rest of the day consisted of a trip to a park where Jack was supposed to sleep but did not only to fall asleep in the car on the way to get Susie and I some lunch. After waiting, 45 minutes he finally awoke and we were able to get some lunch. Susie likes Sonic. My hope is, it replaces Chik-Fil-A so I don't wake up to an empty bed with a wet note indicating she has left for bigger and better things and bajkarrkakdrdbb forcing me to run out of the house searching St. Cloud in my scivies (reference to The Jerk).

We got back home and crawled around with Jack for a couple of hours while trying to intermittently unpack. Jack went to bed at some point. We continued to unpack until around 9pm. Then we scurried around our house, front to back, up and down the stairs, looking out windows, around corners, shouting in loud whispers to one another, "there's some", "here's some good ones", "look over there", "I think that's the finale", "no, there's more". What were we looking at? Tiny fireworks in the distance, over trees, miles away. Every ten minutes we checked on Jack thinking he might awake thinking we were under North Korean attack. He never did. In fact, by 10:30 we were in bed too.

Happy 4th everyone. Hope to see you all soon at our new house.

Jack's birthday invites to follow. Save the date: Weekend of September 15th...possible birthday party/housewarming get together.

A Little Bit Country...and mobile!

We're in! Jack's crawling...big time! Jack decided to master crawling the day we began moving.

As a tumbleweed, I'm somewhat of an expert on moving. This weekends move was by far the hardest move I've ever endured!

Saturday we began loading up. Jack almost immediately decided he hated seeing things leave the house. After a couple of hours of whining progressing into screaming, Susie decided to take him to the mall. This left me to load up, by myself! For some reason, we decided not to ask anyone to help with the move. What the hell were we thinking. Part of me feels guilty for having people help and part of me simply feels like it will be easier to just do it. Well, both parts are assanine (never spelled this before)! It wasn't so bad until around noon when the heat was near 100. Susie stayed at our old place with Jack as I took the first load of stuff to the new place to unload. Still, it didn't seem so bad. However, the next load and then the following two loads on Sunday nearly killed me as I'm still at post-pregnancy weight.

Luckily, I got some help from a very persistent friend, Angie, who basically begged to help. For some strange and fortunate reason she likes moving other people's stuff! Susie and Jack moved to the new place on Sunday morning and Angie and I followed with the rest of our belongings. As Jack continued to be freaked out by the changes, his desire to crawl around a house full of danger and the polar opposite of childproof continued.

It took two days to make the place somewhat baby friendly but it's much better now. Jack seems to have adjusted and is now pulling himself up to stand and gliding side to side. It's seems like he's been crawling for months as he hawls ass at this point. Way to go Jack!

Saint Cloud, Here We Come !!!

This weekend we will be moving into our new condo in St.Cloud.

Pros:

Our condo is bigger and brand new with all brand new appliances.
Our new condo has carpeted stairs allowing Jack to practice climbing.
We will be within 5 minutes of our, non-existent as of yet, new business.
We will be within 5 minutes of the Florida Turnpike for heading north/south to escape
We are within 30 minutes of the East Coast beaches.
There is a lakefront area in St.Cloud with an actual beach and water playground.
We will have that small town feel.
We will be much closer to our babysitters...my mother, father, and Angie.
We will be out of the Downtown Orlando traffic.
Jack doesn't need to where pants, shirts, socks or shoes...just a diaper is necessary in St.Cloud.
The mayor is a newly elected Democrat and mental health counselor...like us.
It's not in Texas.

Cons:

Orlando lacks culture but St. Cloud has never heard of it.
We will have that small town feel.
There are no museums that don't showcase Crackers (cowboys with whips...big in the area in the 1800's.
This is one of the main rodeo towns in the country...they actually have a day off of school called Rodeo Day.
There isn't a mall to walk Jack in.
There is only one movie theatre, showing one movie.

Overall, I'm excited about the move. Although I've always preferred the big city to the country. I love to visit the country though. I guess I'll just think of this as an extended visit.

Just Blogging Around

The best part about finishing getting ready for an audit at my job is that I get to play around with my blog for an hour and figure out how to use html script. I probably could quit this job and get paid twice as much with what I learned in 1 hour by myself. This is especially disturbing considering, I have 60 thousand dollars of student loan debt outstanding, after nearly 4 years of post-graduate schooling. I should be a doctor or lawyer or an astronaut by now but instead I make diddly squat and I'm getting ready to start a business to work a great deal more and make slightly more than diddly squat.

This brings me to a soap box...warning I'm winding up for a rant if you didn't see it coming.

Okay, so I've never been motivated by money. It simply isn't what I'm all about. However, I like money. I like the comforts money can bring. The problem is I give meaning to life by things like helping others rather than selling things to others or providing consumer services or taking advantage of poor little old ladies. I've always been of the mindset that by working hard at what I think is important, helping children and families who are less fortunate, that I would simply not have to worry about money. I never cared about being wealthy or getting bunch of stuff but simply don't want to worry about the bills, whether or not I can by a new car, whether I should buy the Huggies or Publix brand diapers for my baby, you get the point. These days it seems you are either getting richer or poorer in the U.S.. Right now at least, I'm in the latter grouping. While I serve the less fortunate, I think I'm becoming one of them.

I feel like Andy Rooney on 60 minutes now. And, what's with all those sandwiches at 7-eleven. Every damn one of them has mayonaise on it. Does everyone like mayonaise except me. I don't think so. If I can't change anything that matters, maybe I should put my energy here. Everyone write your respective senators about the health effects of mayo...don't worry if your accurate, your bound to get some of it right. As everyone knows, mayo was created by the devil, or George Bush, I've forgotten which one.

More Sleep Dep and Baby Food Makeup?

Jack woke up at 1:30am!!! Susie got up to feed him at around 2:30am. He went back to sleep but I just tossed and turned for 3 hours only to fall asleep 30 minutes before Jack woke up for good. I think Susie was awake too.

I got up and fed him another bottle while Susie tried to get an extra hour of sleep. Now I'm here at work, eyes drooping, with clients on their way. Susie's back home probably staring at Jack while he whines and fusses until his first nap of the day. I feel guilty leaving her there but lucky at the same time.

Honestly, I think we've both lost it. Yesterday, when I got home from work, Susie and I loaded Jack up to take a walk. We started out and we talked about our respective days. While Susie was talking and walking next to me, I turned and made eye contact. I started laughing hysterically and she did too not knowing why. One of her eyebrows was decked out in the most mysterious and trend setting colors I've seen this fashion season. It was orange. The same color as Jack's dinner. The funny thing is, it was perfectly covered as if she did it on purpose. I pictured her sitting there with Jack in his highchair attempting to feed him his dinner whilst he grabbed the spoon rubbing carrots all over himself and his chair. Suddenly, I envisioned Susie grabbing the little jar of mixed vegetables and declaring, "Well son, if you're not going to eat this I will find another use for it." Then, like a cut scene from Mommy Dearest, I picture Susie slowly smearing Gerber with her fingers on each of her brows. After, she grabs a different color for her lips, perhaps some apples and blueberries for dramatic effect.

Later, the same night, Susie and I watched QVC as two wonderful ladies sold Tova makeup products...one of which was Ms. Tova herself. We laughed hysterically once again as they kept putting the products on their cleavage no matter what the product was actually made for it seemed.

Sleep Deprivation can be quite funny until the next morning. Wonder what we'll do tonight? Perhaps we'll watch an episode of Benson and think it's hysterical or maybe we'll get up at 2am, go in Jack's room and cry until we eat some food and fill our underwear with pee? Oh, the possibilities.

My 1st Father's Day

Yesterday was my first Father's Day of many to come. Jack started the morning off sleeping in until 6:30am. A rare treat which certainly did not go unnoticed. Jack (Susie) had laid out several presents for me to open in the living room. I opened them revealing 3 large pics of Jack nicely framed and one book, "The Poop Bomb". Then, Susie fed Jack his bottle, I loaded up the car with boxes full of things to move to our new house, and we left by 7:45am for St. Cloud.

By 8:15am we were sitting in a Village Inn a block from our new place with my mom and dad. After breakfast, we mosied on over to the new place. By 9:15am, all the boxes were in, my parents had seen our place. My dad had asked every conceivable question about the structure of the building, the burglar alarm system, and garage door opener. My mother had asked every conceivable question about the pool and foliage in the community. Then Jack christened the living room with a "poo bomb". Hastily, Susie and I decided it was time to leave. My dad received his gigantic, black and white picture of Jack and Jack was loaded into the car with his Grammy Valium and Grampoppy.

Susie and I sped away at 124 miles per hour headed to Universal Studios as we had a free pass and I found out I was still paying monthly payments of $15 for a yearly pass. By 10:30am we met our friends Stef and Jason at the park. By noon, I had finally consumed an imported beer and suddenly realized how great our freedom for the day was. It rained on us but we didn't care the least bit.

After several rides, 3pm snuck up on us quickly and we returned home. Jack arrived with his Grammy Valium in tow after visiting his great grandparents in Kissimmee all day and screaming at heavy mascara laden old ladies with bluish hair.




A great Father's Day was over by 9:30pm, as the Raskin Household was exhausted and asleep.

The Frogpond Wizard

The story goes something like this...

Once upon a time there was little boy named Jack who loved to take a bath but hated to get out of the bath. Every day upon getting out of the bath, the rosie cheeked, blonde haired baby boy would break down into tears. One day, while getting out of the bath, Jack discovered the magical Frog Pond Wizard cape which he thought resembled a plain old baby towel but clearly it was a cape. While trying the cape on, mysterious music began to play as if coming from his father's mouth; his father denies he had anything to do with it to this very day. "Frog pond wizard, frog pond wizard", repeated over and over again while the cape was adorned by young Jack.

No longer feeling like Jack, the boy who hated to get out of the bath, the Frog Pond Wizard flew around the house making magic happen around every corner, in every room. The first time he discovered his powers, he turned lights off in the very room his mother resided in. He made his mother laugh until she decided to make attempts at giving him hugs. Then he disappeared around corners, in dirty clothes hampers and simply vanished into thin air while his mother chased after him. The Frog Pond Wizard laughed hysterically while eluding his mother. She laughed too as she thought the young wizard was quite funny and very cute.

Then it was time to lie on the changing table and get ready for bed. The Frog Pond Wizard's strength grew weary at this point as he began crying hysterically. Having used all of his energy creating magic and mayhem around the house and making his mother laugh, the wizard was simply exhausted.

The wizard's guru-to-be, Daddy God Wizard King, offered his young apprentice a magic wand. While the wand resembled a baby brush with a big lady bug on the end of it, the guru insisted it was a magic wand indeed and, alas, it was. The Frog Pond Wizard was given the wand with instructions for a magic spell of how to get into his PJs without crying. The young Frog Pond Wizard waved his wand hastily and said the spell as he heard it, "Mamama, dadadadad, blllleeeehh, daaaat".

Suddenly, Jack found himself ready for bed and in his mother's arms eating his final bottle of the day. Rubbing his eyes, Jack fell asleep only to dream of his magical cape and wand, and his adventures to come as the great Frog Pond Wizard.

More Teeth & A Laugh Attack

Jack continues to fuss. Once again the weekend was a challenge as Jack doesn't seem content to do any one thing for more than 15 minutes. In fact, if in the house, he doesn't ever seem content these days it seems. We think he is teething again as he is chewing and drooling on everything. I personally think he's turning into The Fly and is simply wetting his pray with saliva before attempting to devour it. He hasn't mastered the devouring part yet but the saliva part is all but perfected.

This weekend Susie had a cold and Jack decided to start getting up at 4am. This meant I got up at 4am. Yesterday, he ate a bottle at 5:30am, we went to a park at 6:45am, walked about a mile and a half to Target, which was still closed. Then we waited outside only to finally get in by 8am, ate a bottle, shopped for clothes as he is finally growing out of all of the free baby shower clothes we received, walked home in the hot, hot sun all by 9:45am. Then Jack preceded to take a nap, his second already by that point. Then he woke up only to be cranky all day with one more nap somewhere wedged in there, a swim, and a walk around the complex. Just before bedtime, Jack broke into the most hysterical laugh attack I have ever seen. It started when Susie and I were watching him in his walker and talking. I had just cracked open a beer to cope with the end of the day and played beer trumpet by blowing into the bottle. Jack laughed and I did it again. This time he gut laughed hysterically. This went on for about 25 minutes as he continued to laugh non-stop and I blew in the bottle while Susie got it all on video.

Thanks Jack for ending the day on a good note as these weekends have not been very easy lately but a good laugh certainly helps. Note to self: play bottle trumpet all weekend long next weekend.

On The Move

We found a place to live, in St. Cloud. I never thought I would live in St. Cloud, or a small town, or anywhere more conservative than Orlando again after my experience living in good ole' Houston, Texas. Well, so much for my ability to see the future. We found a 3-Bedroom, 2 story condo near the turnpike and about 2 miles from our soon to be new business. It is about the same distance for me to my current job which is about a 35 minute commute.

Here's a rendering of our new place:




We will be in the middle unit as there are 3. It has a two car garage, overlooks a swamp with creatures and wonderful flora galore, a huge kitchen with lots of counter space for me to destory in my cooking rampages, tons of storage space, 21/2 bathrooms, washer and dryer, but, best of all, the third bedroom will be Jack's very own playroom. This means all of his stuff can be in a place other than under our beds, behind things, on top of things, etc...

So, we're excited and happy that we don't have to worry about where we'll be living in a month!

A Four Day Weekend Hi"jack"ed

The boy's still got it! Just when he begins to overwhelm you with cuteness, he reminds you of his powers. The weekend was rrrrrufffff, to say the least. This in part due to the fact that we have become creatures of habit. Suddenly, our carefully designed schedule was thrown out of whack leaving us with 4 incredibly hot days, no babysitters available, and Jack. This means we were limited to being in our house, going to the mall, very early morning outings, museums, and the pool.

Aside, walking around a museum, with a baby spitting up on you, after sitting outside waiting for it to open in sweltering heat and humidity, ultimately results in lack of appreciation for the art inside. Jack liked it. He seemed to like anything this weekend that did not involve sitting and relaxing or us sleeping through the night.

Yesterday he had an "aha" moment...he suddenly realized that making us pick things up that he drops is fun...good timing Jack...push us to our limits and then toy with us. This is why you have earned the nickname "The Sultan".

Our New Business

Many of you have heard, Susie and I are planning to start a business as soon as possible. Originally we planned to be up and running right before Jack was born. Then, it was as soon as things settle down and get a bit easier. That of course didn't happen until about 4 months. Then, it was as soon as the "monster" is taken care of. Well, finally, it feels like we are ready to begin. Unfortunately, school is now out. So, the plan is to have the program up and running by August when school starts again. For those of you that don't know, we are planning to start with a rudimentary tutoring service and grow into a full blown counseling center with academic services as well. The hope is to eventually quit our current jobs, provide private counseling services, and hire teachers to work as tutors in our tutoring services.

Here is a link to a prototype webpage for our program: http://www.geocities.com/raskincounselor/homeworkclub

Take a look if you have the chance...we welcome feedback and suggestions with regard to the webpage and program itself as this will be helpful in understanding what may need to be clarified, changed, added, or deleted altogether.

The Monster Eludes Us

Great news: The monster is hibernating or at the very least not getting any bigger or, even better, may not be there at all!!!

Jack saw the neurologist today. We set out this morning at around 8:45, about an hour before the appointment. We arrived in the waiting room which was familiar this time and less scary, for me at least. Surrounded by children living with and surviving such things as head traumas, brain disorders, unknown problems, and so on, we watched Beauty and The Beast until being called back to the examining room.

Last night and today, I was worried. Flipping through worst case scenarios as not to totally fall apart in the off chance we were handed bad news today, I felt exhausted. Over the past several days, I hardly thought about it at all. But NeuroEve and NeuroDay are a whole different ballgame.

Anyway, we got in to see the nurse first and she examined Jack briefly asking us some basic questions while flipping through his chart and MRI results with a very serious look on her face. Then she smiled and commented on the extreme cuteness of our baby. Then she left and Susie and I played catch with Jack. He laughed hysterically as we waited. It was all I could do to keep from jumping out of my skin. Waiting....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Trumble walked in and commented on how it definitely didn't sound like a sick baby was in the room. Somehow this was a relief even though he had said nothing yet about Jack's status. Then he asked if the nurse had mentioned that the MRI came back looking good. We said she had not said anything. He then said that it had indeed. Before he could speak, I interupted and I asked what exactly this meant, as if he wasn't going to say anything else and leave. He went into a quick discussion about the prognosis and process of forming an opinion. Basically, he said the following:

First, we were attempting to diagnosis with the first CT scan and MRI in February.

Next, we were attempting to confirm stability (no growth of the cyst or brain damage/developmental problems) with this MRI and follow up.

Now, we wait 3 months and do another MRI to check that there is continued stability.

Then, we do yet another MRI 6 months from then, then 12 months from there, and 24 months from there.

This basically means, we will be monitoring him for the next 45 months or nearly 4 more years. He will be almost 5 before he is considered to be in the clear, even though this will never be absolute.

If at that point there has been no change in the area that appears to be a cyst, it will be assumed that there may not be a cyst there at all and, in fact, just a space left by an abnormally shaped right parietal region of the brain. This would essentially mean nothing, according to Trumble, in that many people have brain disparities from the norm in shape and size and don't even know it. Further, because he was born with such a disparity, it is, according to Trumble, going to have a zero effect on development or ability as the rest of the brain will compensate fully for any inability of the right side to perform, if this is even the case.

If there is a change in the space above the right parietal region of the brain, then this would mean there is a cyst and that we may need to consider operating but not definitively still.

Essentially, barring going into Jack's head, there is no way to know for sure if there is a fluid filled cyst in the space indicated on the MRI or simply nothing but space above his brain due to a mishapen brain.

Monster or no monster at the end of this book...still to be determined.

I have added pages from the Grover book about "The Monster" to all of my past entries about Jack's Monster...more to come but that's all for now. Flip back through my past entries if you want to see my favorite book about a puppet that some would say has similar coping skills to myself...Susie!

The Mountain

Really, it's not so bad, waiting. The first time we took Jack in for his MRI we didn't know the extent as to what they would find. In fact, all we knew was there was a growth of some sort. We certainly had know idea as to the prognosis. This time was very different.

We arrived at the hospital at around 7:15. At this point, we have the hospital down pretty good. We don't need to ask where anything is or ask about protocols any longer. So, we went straight to the financial department to take care of billing and check-in. Within 10 minutes we were off to radiology, our 3rd visit in about 4 months.

A large flat screen t.v. was showing the old Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. We sat down to watch and wait. Susie indicated she didn't remember the movie and seemed excited to watch. Jack, on the other hand, prefered to stare at the people filtering in so early in the morning. Surgeons, nurses, patients, and their entourages flittered by, moving to and from unknown places. One particular boy caught Jack's attention for a few minutes as he crawled around on the floor playing with the toys.

At some point, Susie indicated she wasn't feeling so good. She stated that her fingers were numb and she had the chills a bit. I looked at her and noticed she looked pale and it dawned on me that she hadn't eaten before we left. I suggested she might need some sugar or something, knowing that she tends to get a little queezy when she hasn't eaten. She seemed to indicate that she didn't think that was it but didn't dismiss it totally at the same time. At this point, it was around 7:45am and our appointment wasn't for another 45 minutes.

We continued watching the movie. Jack bounced around on my lap while the increasing number of hospital empoyees stared, waved, and smiled at him. Occasionally, someone would talk to him while walking by. Susie was shaking like a leaf at this point. I started to get worried. She had never had any physical reactions to stress that I knew of, much less witnessed. I asked the nurses at the front desk for a blanket and they quickly brought one. Jack continued to seem fine and I attempted to divert his attention from his mother who was quickly seeming worse and worse. I felt the need to pretend everything was normal and decided not to show an ounce of concern, at least when he was looking at me.

After about 15 more minutes, Susie decided to get some food and sugar from the cafeteria. While she was gone, which seemed like forever, Jack's crawling friend had slowly progressed into a gutteral cry not unlike the cry I remember Jack doing before the "time we don't speak of" stopped about 4 months ago, a.k.a. colic hell. The parents of the child were walking around, rocking him, and attempting to soothe him through talking. However, nothing seemed to work, also painfully familiar. I wondered why they were sharing the waiting room with us? What were they getting checked out? Was the boy okay? I did know that they too could not feed their baby boy as we were unable to do with Jack. It is incredibly frustrating to know your baby is hungry, have food for him, have the means to give it to him, but simply not be able to do to waiting. This is precisely what I think purgatory would be like if it were real...The Davinci Code II to follow.

Jack and I moved to the floor to play with the toys. By the way, Jack was incredibly easy the entire morning. He played, talked, smiled and played some more. A nurse appeared indicating to myself and the other family that things were running a bit behind due to an intensive care unit MRI emergency. She added that each appointment was running 30 minutes behind. We all figured out from her comments that Jack was next and then the screaming baby. Things became a tad uncomfortable as the other family indicated that they didn't know what to do. The nurse suggested they take a walk to calm their baby. Suddenly, 8 months of stupid suggestions from people that don't know what to say flashed before my eyes. The parents of the crying baby quickly but unaggressively stated that they were beyond the point of walking help. They reminded the nurse of the fact that their baby hadn't eaten in over 9 hours and added that he typically eats every 3 hours. The father of the baby stood up with his son and began walking...seemingly just to get away from the nurse. As if unable to recognize that she was not helping or able to help, which probably would have been helpful in and of itself to acknowledge at this point, she then offered to take the baby and give the parents a break. Now, I ask you, what parent with their baby screaming, getting ready to go through what amounts to a very emotionally difficult procedure to witness, and all of the problems associated with the reason you are there in the first place, would hand their baby to a stranger?! Needless to say, the father and mother, in unison, indicated that they did not need her help and she finally walked away, looking confused.

I wanted to offer our spot as Jack was still maintaining so well. However, I knew that he could fall apart at anytime. Plus, I didn't know what was happening to my wife who was still gone. I told the mother of the screaming child that I wanted to offer our space but discussed our situation. She quickly indicated she understood and then jumped at the chance to have a set of ears. She launched into their story from the time their baby was born to the present. Their baby was diagnosed with spina bifida at birth. After several intitial procedures, they were discharged from the hospital after over a week of monitoring. They saw a specialist doctor who ordered a follow up MRI within 2 months, however, the MRI appointments at the very hospital we were sitting in were so backed up that they were forced to take an appointment some 5 months later. This resulted in the baby having symptoms and irreversible damage due to the 3 month lag that could have been caught and prevented if checked within the suggested 2 month time. She then discussed what the baby had gone through, while I knew full well what this meant she and her husband had gone through having experienced a taste of the horror myself. While having this conversation, I watched preemie babies file in to be checked, some of which probably didn't make it through that night . I saw numberous children with head traumas carted by on stretchers. I also saw our very own neurologist, Dr. Trumble walk by apparently working with the ICU patient that was currently receiving an MRI. He smiled at me but didn't seem to remember me. It didn't matter...I could tell he cared by the look in his eyes.

At around 8:25am, Susie returned. She looked even worse. She was registering a 7 on the richter scale at this point and looked white as Jack's bum. She told me she had vomitted on the way back. The nurse called us back right as she returned. Holding Jack, who was still smiling away by the way, I told the nurse about my concern for Susie who was trying to keep up and stay wrapped in the hospital blanket. I continued to try to keep Jack from noticing my concern for Susie and decided not to face him towards her as I didn't want him to notice her state. The nurses grabbed more blankets for Susie as they "ooed" and "awwwed" over the cuteness of our little boy. I swear, his cuteness seems to get us extra attention sometimes as people marvel over his big blue eyes and charming little 8-toothed smiles. As my Aunt Krazie says, "pretty is as pretty does" and pretty is doing pretty good for us right now.

Within, 15 minutes, we met with the anesthesiologist, were briefed on side effects, dangers, and the overall procedure. Everyone was very appropriate. Susie continued to shake and I had become much more worried about her than Jack at this point. The nurses took Susie's blood pressure and deemed it within the normal range. They suggested she may have succumb to a virus. Then they moved in for Jack indicating they were ready to move along with the MRI as the trauma patient had been moved out. I handed him over and turned to Susie. While last time, I did a similar thing, it was to look at her for emotional support. This time, I looked at her out of worry about her. Suddenly I realized I had just handed Jack over. I shouted back to the nurse, "wait, stop, hold on just a second". I caught back up to them and kissed him on his forehead and told him to hurry up. Then I turned back to Susie who had just realized Jack was headed out, she broke down into a much deserved and needed cry. I asked for a stretcher or something for her to lay on which a nurse brought in. Susie curled up and began to fall asleep until, within 2 minutes, she was told we couldn't stay and would need to move back to the waiting room.

Back in the waiting room...the room had filled up with patients. Kids needing MRI and CT scans were everywhere. The majority of those in the room were minorities which I wondered about. Susie, wrapped in 3 blankets sat, head against the wall in a chair trying to sleep. Kids ran around, playing and fighting, while parents looked tired, trying to coral them and sometimes just letting them do whatever they wanted. I stood in the middle of it all as if at the top of a mountain watching a town below. The back door to the room Jack was in was within 10 feet of me. Above it, a sign that lights up read, "Do Not Enter, XRAY In Use".

I stood there, my senses hightening with every minute. I swear, I heard every kids conversation, every adult conversation, every nurse apology that it was taking so long, every sound of discomfort Susie made, every clicking noise made by the XRAY In Use signs above the rooms Jack was not in, all while Finding Nemo played behind me.

After about 45 minutes, I took notice of the fact that I hadn't heard the sign click above the door Jack was in. While I wasn't staring at it by any means, I felt like it simply hadn't come on. I felt like something wasn't right. Susie stood up and went to the bathroom to seemingly get sick again. I continued to stand. She returned and the light above Jack's door clicked on. I wanted to run in but simply stood there. I felt like I was guarding Queen Elizabeth or something of the sort. It had become very surreal at this point. I began troubleshooting how to get Susie to the ER and take care of Jack in the case he wasn't doing well after the MRI. I decided to call home whereas I asked my mother to meet us at home in case I needed her. She agreed without asking a great deal of questions. I felt like everything was going to work out fine but still watched Susie, growing more and more concerned.

After about an hour, a nurse called for us. While walking back with him, Susie following wrapped in blankets, I told him of my concerns regarding her again and the need for monitoring of her. He expressed concern and agreed to pay attention to her. He then indicated that Jack had been given an extra dose of anesthesia while in the MRI do to the fact that he awoke right at the beginning and ripped the IV out of his hand. This was cause for a new IV and a delay in the overall procedure. We arrived in the receiving room where Jack slept. His mouth open, laying on his back, breathing with an oxygen tube and monitors attached to his chest and arms running to machines everywhere. The nurse standing by him said, he's fine but suggested he would sleep for awhile in all likelihood due to extra doses of anesthesia needed to put him back under. I was quiet, watching Susie shake. I prepared Jack's bottle for when he finally awoke. Then our nurse from the pre-MRI check in peaked in and said something (I can't remember what) really loud. Jack's eyes opened and I rushed over smiling and kissing his head. He squinted and I expected maybe he would go back asleep but he stared at me instead seemingly trying to focus. He talked, "ba, ba" which this weekend we decided may be an attempt at saying bottle. I picked him up, wires and all. Susie stood up and smiled at him and then crouched trying not to get sick. I sat down and began to feed him as he lay wide awake sucking away.

After 20 more minutes, while I fed him and the nurse freed him of wires, tape and cleaned his blood covered hand from where the IV ripped out, we were told we were free to go. Jack was wide awake and his normal self before we even left the waiting room much to my surprise and seemingly even more surprising to the nurses. I was proud of my baby who was making it easier for his mother who needed desperately to go to bed.

Home we went. My mom arrived after Susie was in the bed and Jack was eating his bottle of formula...he only had Pedialyte at the hospital. She stayed watch over Susie while Jack and I went for a long walk.

By 8pm Susie was almost back to normal. I had finally come down from the mountain as the Queen was safe and Jack was asleep, safe and sound, in his crib.

Time to wait for the next appointment. Wednesday we go to Dr. Trumble to get the next set of plans. Waiting is easier when you know what's in there. We will either find out that the cyst is larger causing pressure on the brain and we need to commence with surgery, the cyst is not causing any pressure on the brain and we will need to wait, or some other scenario which I have grown to expect as nothing seems to go as expected these days.